It's back...

Hi AmeiseSad 

Sorry to hear about your husband, I can only imagine what it must be like to be given the all clear and then find yourself back on our rollercoaster since my wife has been incurable from the start. We are perhaps one of the lucky group though - her second round treatment seems to have put her cancer to sleep and so we are now living with rather than dying from cancer. It took us a lot of help to get to that state mentally though and our poor son has lived with this for most of his life - he is 19 now.

What really helped me was a living with less stress course. I realized I was suffering pre-grief working out how I would cope when she was gone and not appreciating what we have in the here and now. Life still likes to throw us some curveballs of course and the coping mechanism of conscious breathing was really quite helpful then - also great at sometimes helping me to relax and get some sleep.

For your children - well we would never have coped without some really good support from the school and we also have some good advice in talking to children, they often have very powerful imaginations and good solid facts can make them feel included even in difficult conversations.

Do post on here whenever and remember for an instant fix the phone line is there for you too, I have certainly cried at them in the past and they do understand how difficult things can be. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you Steve, appreciate helpful tips really, especially for kids.

I told my friend today, skipped work and just had breakfast with her as I so needed to talk to someone.

I am struggling with pre-grief and had councelling, will book a session again. I need to know things in advance and struggle with the unknown. Some things e.g. bills are done by husband but I need to learn and write all down just to be aware and prepared but then I feel horrible.

I want him to enjoy life as much as possible and have good family time but he is worried about all chemo again, etc.

Did you ask doctors whether its terminal for your wife or did they tell themselves and documented it? I am not sure even if to ask.

Hi AmeiseSad 

When they first diagnosed Janice they said that that the only possible treatment was chemo but that it was not often successful - always a great boost in confidence. Her cancer is rare so statistics are close to useless. Still first chemo worked in some ways too well as it caused more problems - but they were fixable and the second chemo seems to have put her cancer to sleep.

So is her cancer terminal - well she will almost certainly die with it but might or might not be because of it.

Life is an interesting challenge.

<<hugs>>

Steve

So sad our loves ones have to go through such a harsh treatments, and we can only be there for them, but can't take away the pain while bearing with out own mental pain..

For the first time I was actually physically feeling sick to my stomach. First time I understood the actual saying in full though it's second round of cancer. It just hit so hard again.

We talked and trying to enjoy this Christmas and then we looking ar drastic measures e.g. diet change. Have you tried anything or everything? Its just messes with the mind so much that you try to grasp on anything.

I read articles you shared. Thank you.