Hello. I've just joined and I'm looking for a bit of advice.
My partner of 21 years has just been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. He also has a partially collapsed lung and many blood clots. This is completely out of the blue and needless to say, it has rocked our world. He is continuing to work at the moment, although he can hardly walk and finds it hard to breathe because of coughing and breathlessness.
I, however, can't stop crying. I've taken the week off work to try to come to terms with the news. I can't concentrate and honestly don't think I can return to work next week. I feel so weak and feeble because it's not me who had the cancer!
I have so many unanswerable questions going through my head. I suppose my question is, how do you all stay strong for your loved ones? Is taking more time off work acceptable? I'm a teacher and the thought of standing in front of my class is terrifying. I think I'll just be a blubbering mess! Not ideal when working with children. Thanks in advance for any advice.
Hi Sara
a warm welcome to the online community. So sorry to hear about all that you and your partner are going through. Life's too cruel.
I can empathise with all the emotions you are going through. I'm supporting my husband through his stage 4 brain tumour journey. He was first diagnosed in Sept 2020 and the past three years have been an emotional rollercoaster ride.
Let's set your mind at rest about one thing here - all these emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal so please do not be too hard on yourself here. You've had a tremendous shock here too and it takes time to process that information. It takes time and it takes as long as it takes. You're not weak and you're not feeble. You are coping so much better here than you give yourself credit for. (You'll just need to trust me on that.)
None of us asked to be given this carer's role. It was thrust upon with precious little warning and no training. I've often compared it to an endurance race (ultramarathon) You find yourself on the start line with no kit, no training, no course map, no idea of the terrain ahead and no idea how far you need to run....yet you keep going.
I've written a few blogs for this community and thought I'd share one with you here rather than waffling on . “I’m fine”: how do you really cope as a carer? - Macmillan Online Community It might resonate with you.
This is a safe and supportive space so please reach out here anytime. There's always someone about to listen who gets it, someone to hold your hand and someone to offer that virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We've got you.
It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
To answer your question about work- yes, its acceptable to take time off. There are no hard and fast rules there. For what its worth I have found work a good distraction from all that's going on at home. I am lucky however and can work from home. My daughter is a nurse and until recently she too has found her job a good distraction and felt she went into "work mode" when she arrived there and was able to focus on something other than her dad's illness for a while. We are approaching the final stages of my husband's journey so she has now taken time off . I have stepped back from some of my tasks but am still logging on every day for most of the day. Work can be just that wee bit of normality that in time you need.
Please make sure you take care of your wee self here. This can be a gruelling emotional journey so taking "me time" to recharge your batteries isn't selfish, its essential. So go for that coffee catch up, sit and read that book, go to the gym or go for that walk - do whatever you would usually do to when you can. Even 5 minutes with a coffee and a book can make a huge difference.
Right I've waffled enough. I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong,
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
