Hi - New to husbands cancer

I’m so sorry for your situation and can empathise; my husband has had advanced cancer for 2.5 years and after three rounds of chemo, one of radiotherapy and major surgery, was told nearly 10 months ago that no more could be done.  We’ve been living with a terminal diagnosis since then.  Things are harder now, he’s drained and exhausted and I think we’re reaching the end, so I too, am having to contemplate a life without him.  As you say, some days are ok but others are hell.  I know what you mean, that you feel YOU should be OK, as you’re not the one going through the cancer, but you’re going through everything with him AND need to keep life going, the house clean, the fridge stocked, the meds organised, the appointments straight, all with uncertainty hanging over you. It’s exhausting physically, emotionally and mentally, so try not to underestimate yourself and your contribution.  You are amazing! 

Thank you - This is just how I feel but I am also going through some health issues myself as I am Type 2 diabetic and my nurse has just changed my insulin which has resulted in high blood sugar readings which makes me feel tired and grumpy yet I know that I cannot be like that with him.  Normally he would be the strong one - helping me deal with my health issues and now I need to do the same for him and I'm trying and I really want to do this for him.  Think I've just been feeling sorry for myself so now it's time to get back to real life :-)

Even harder for you then, when you’re dealing with your own health issues, so even more reason to pat yourself on the back.  Feeling sorry for yourself is completely normal, and you’ve got good reason, so have a bit of a wallow, a scream or a cry, a rant with a good friend.  I find that helps, and then pick myself up and carry on.  Sending you positive thoughts, and strength x

I’m another one that can empathise. I miss my husband, he’s changed with his diagnosis- the life we were going to have, the plans we were making. And just like you I feel guilty, as you say he’s the one with cancer. 
Today is a bad day for a lot of us, I find weekends much harder.
Writing things down and being able to talk to people going through the same does make you realise you aren’t alone.

Finding I'm not alone has already helped as I don't feel quite as guilty.  Think I will be using this forum more over the coming months.  And that makes me think of Christmas and if he will still be here - just another thing on this awful road.

I keep thinking about Christmas too, it’s never our favourite time of year, but we were going to go away this year, for the first time ever. Like you I think - will he be here…

It's so hard - it's my best best friends birthday in October and we had booked a hotel for 4 days away - just the two of us to celebrate her 60th and my 70th this year.  It's still booked cos I can cancel anytime up to the day before but I know I won't be going cos either Dave will still be here or I'll be deep in grief but just keeping the booking helps me pretend things are normal

Really resonates with me - I have several work trips booked and don't want to cancel them as I'd have to admit things are serious.... also guilty for wanting to do some work unconnected to this awful situation. Take care.

I've also watched my husband become unable to do the things we used to like to do together. It was March when we last went out for a walk, June when we last went a walk around the block, or sit together in the garden. Last Monday when he last left his bed to watch TV with us. There is a little grief about the future I'm losing each time I realise something really was the last and have a glimpse of the future. Although you are not the one with cancer, cancer is taking very real things from your future.