help

I totally understand how you feel. It is very draining for the loved ones.   My husband has been treated for bowel and liver cancer. We have two young children and I work. I have tried to maintain normality for the sake of my children but my husband has no idea how hard it is for me. He told me “it isn’t you going through it” Recently he told me how worried he was about his friend whose wife has cancer! He isn’t worried about he! 
I feel so guilty but equally I feel so angry. I don’t think there is much support for those people around the patient. I don’t know where to turn. I just fall apart, pick myself up and carry on.

Hello GemSk - It is so nice to find that I'm not alone with these feelings.  Yes - I too feel so guilty.  We meet people and it's all 'how are you doing? You're looking so well'  But - selfish, selfish, selfish!!!  Why not ask how I am?  Oh yes - I do feel guilty. I know I'm lucky - he's being treated by a brilliant oncologist.  His Macmillan nurse is just so lovely.  Approachable and caring.  But I'm human, and just now tonight I'm feeling in need of a stroke of care and love.  Thank you for giving me that GemSk.  Love and hugs and take care of yourself.  You seem very special too.

Unexpected kindness has been the one positive of this situation. 
Reading your post really helped me too - thank you!

Sending love and strength x

The forgetfulness and preoccupation with self is the worst. My wife had small cell and now has treatable but incurable. Must be one of the worlds unluckiest to get cancer again after being totally cured. Chemo, immunotherapy and radiotherapy all bring their own problems. I have little sociallife these days as she never wants to go out and I can't invite people over. Just had another week of sitting in the hospital all day as chemo reduced her immune system and she got covid. Lung cancer so finds herself quickly out of puff. I have always been a very active person, live near the coast and love the beach and sailing.Totally out of the question as the beaches are not accessible andif I go sailing I am away for ages. I feel guilty leaving her on her own, so end up going nowhere and making excuses for not visiting people. Today is a prime example, beautiful weather and I am sitting bashing away on the laptop. 

I recently had to retire as all the appointments were just getting in the way. That was my only real outlet to the outside world. Just a world of guilt and isolation.