Hi Catshogsandfoxes 

So sorry to read about what you are going through, for us it is our son with the autism and my wife with the cancer so not really that similar. I might hope someone in his care has registered the issue with forms since they are really important from a healthcare point of view. I wonder if you asked on our helpline if they might have some suggestions that might help you both.

With many of the issues you raise there is an issue that as an adult your partner has a right to make the decisions about his healthcare - even without autism it can be very difficult if the patient does not behave as we might like. We recently had a lot of problems with our son since he decided he did not want to have blood tests - until he finally got sick enough that he lost the ability to resist! Still he is an expert on these now - and getting better all the time.

Always fun too when medics ring up and want to speak to him on the phone - generally we can make them happy that he is there and can hear while mostly my wife answers the questions.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you for your reply Steve I am so sorry your wife has Cancer. It really is a rollercoaster with so many things tgat need to be sorted out..And that doesn't include any treatments, emotions, appointments, caring  for your wife, your son and also yourself. My partner is really struggling with coming to terms with the cancer and that he needs Chemotherapy. Autism makes it very difficult to express just how he is feeling and at present he is trying to avoid anything that he finds hard. He wants to just let me deal with anything official which is not always possible. As although we are partners we are not married and I have had many problems regarding Dr's conversations like yourself and your wife. Most of the time he will tell the Dr to talk to me. But if he is not here it can be difficult. He has a mobile phone but refuses to answer it unless he wants too.And it means we are missing out on information that is vital to his treatment. If he answers he forgets some things that are really important. I am glad your son is now OK with having blood tests. It must be very difficult for him to cope with his mum's cancer. Thank you for taking some of your valuable time to answer me. My very best wishes to you and your family. 

Hello Catshogsandfoxes 

I’ve literally just signed into this online community to look for autistic people in a similar position to me (cancerous cells in lymph nodes, breast not right) and found your message. Although I can’t relate completely to your situation, I am autistic and ADHD, disabled and a carer. I can’t say for certain not knowing any specifics, it sounds like your partner is overwhelmed and just can’t process anything else. 

It breaks my heart to hear of your circumstances. Especially as you’ve got no other family around. I know what autistic burnout can do to the mind and body. I help a relative of mine too who can’t face doing forms or talking directly to anyone except those they have built a firm basis of trust with, which of course takes time. 

It's all just so hard. I’m so very sorry I can’t offer any practical or specific help to you directly. Is there any autistic specific support you can access for you and your partner either locally or online that has a therapeutic approach?  Sending you healing and peace. 

Hi Lyta thank you so much for reaching out to me regarding my partner and myself. It is so kind of you considering you have Cancer yourself and ADHD and are also a carer yourself. I sincerely hope everything goes well for you with your treatment. I have been helped so much by the Mcmillan nurses and Ot's at the hospital he is attending. Also pharmacy who enlarged his chemotherapy medicene list so I could give him the correct medicenes. His memory is very bad. I imagine you are very worried and frightened at the moment. I have been lucky enough as I said to have so much help from Mcmillan. My partner is still struggling but I have been able to attend his hospital appointments with him. And the oncology department have been wonderful when I have asked questions on his behalf. We have depended on the local link voluntary drivers. Who may be able to help you with transport for appointments. And if you have questions you feel are too complicated medically. Mcmillan will also help with that and financial help. My very best wishes from us both. Please reach out again if you need too.