Hi I have re posted my first post here as it might be a more appropriate place for advise.
My father had prostate cancer for 5 years under watchful waiting and two rounds of radiotherapy, now it has moved into the lymph nodes and bones so have been given a pallative care pathway with a view road few weeks to a few months.
Originally he was his normal self jokey, jovial and witty a week in and he's distanced himself from myself and my sister's who up until recently have all been extremely close to him. He won't speak about feelings, pain, what he wants to do he makes comments like when I'm better or we can go somewhere but then he's not eating won't move much and barely drinking.
I totally understand his body is not letting him eat or drink much but he is able to be hoisted to a rise and recliner chair or to a wheelchair to go anywhere , but he won't let anyone do it, he stares longingly from his bedroom window to the garden which he could sit in but won't.
We understand it's his wishes but it's almost like he wants to buy then just won't take the steps to achieving what he wants.
We feel lost, his choices are definitely making his illness progress, we feel he is not living he is existing yet he is still here, he won't talk to anyone so do we simply just accept or is it worth a Dr possibly speaking with him about depression if he will which I doubt.
We used to speak about a bucket list etc and he really was more positive but now it's like he has just closed the door to anyone and anything, we just want whatever he wants but time is moving and he is deteriorating more and more so soon the hoist which he went mad to get and now won't go in won't be an option.
I hope I have explained myself , we know it's his wishes but he has taken it so differently in the past week.
Thank you.
Hi Gingertom
That does sound very difficult, in my time here I have quite often seen carers and patients get into struggles over eating and drinking. Not keeping up with drinking can make people very ill quite quickly and will often end up with admission to hospital. It might be worth talking to one of his team about concerns in that area.
A question for you though is about how you are coping with this - it sounds like it is having significant impact on you - as we might expect. One question is what does "a few months mean". With my wife she was clear she never wanted a prognosis and I really struggled with that - but truthfully nobody really knows how any individual will progress. I did a living with less stress course that really helped me and part of that was about living in the here and now and that was really helpful.
It we look at your feelings when someone has cancer I recognize a lot of what I go through - however being able to recognize the emotions can help give me some control over the impact they have on me.
<<hugs>>
Steve
