Partner diagnosed with terminal cancer pushing me away

Hi PE911 

Sorry to hear about your partner though wanted you to know this is not totally unusual and that you are not alone.

Perhaps my key piece of advice, and one I wish I had taken earlier, is to remember to look after yourself first. If we look at your feelings when someone has cancer then I know I see a lot of what I went through.

What does your partner need and how much can he do on his own. I know my wife has always been grateful to have me with her at appointments since I will sometimes pick up on things she missed. Having someone with a pad and pen to write down all the tricky medical terms can be quite helpful.

What form of cancer does your partner have - Janice has Leiomyosarcoma and that makes things a bit more interesting since it is one of the rarer types - finding any information is often complicated but Macmillan have been very helpful.

Hope some of that helps, keep posting because we are all here to help and support.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi, no advice but I’m in the same situation, it’s very upsetting.

Hi there. I am pretty much same situation. My husband is into his 5th year of colorectal cancer which has spread to both lungs and liver. He's having ongoing treatment after multiple surgeries but his cancer is terminal. At this point our relationship is in shreds. He is emotionally abusive and cuts me off for days and weeks on end; will barely speak and seems to blame me somehow for everthing including his cancer. I know its coming from a place of unmet anger but its at a point where I am barely functioning. We have 4 children at home ranging in age from 8 to 21 and its affecting them too as he is also withdrawing from them and only really speaks to them to critiscise them. Over the last few years we would go through periods like this but they would pass and things would improve again. But last few months have been exceptionally bad. He has called me every name possible, gaslit me, told me I'm stupid, worthless etc. I could probably deal with that but when he speaks to the boys like that or tries to run me down in front of them then I cannot accept it. He has told me he can barely stand me in the same room. The sad thing is we had a great marriage in spite of having gone through many ups and downs. My heart is broken for him but I cannot take any more abuse and maybe it's time to let him do what he needs to and live out the rest of his life alone. I'm sorry for the long reply and I realise its not advice. But maybe it might help to know you are not alone and that the longer we are on this 'journey' (not a fan of that word!) the more I hear this is common. Hope you're ok