Struggling today!

Feeling down always makes me feel awkward too. When I feel low I would usually turn to my partner for a hug, but when I'm low because of the cancer he has, that is not always an option, and holding the sadness in secret makes me feel guilty, like you say. My husband has been having a tough time too. I don't have any sage advice, but I will be taking my cup of tea outside for a sit in the garden + sunshine for 10 minutes, in a moment. Breathe deep and know that everything about this illness is 'just a phase' - I see it like with children growing up, we never know if the next phase may be better or worse, but it will be different, and we need to be ready to help our partners through it.

We all have struggled with feeling guilty about acknowledging our own feelings, all I can tell you is that you are entitled to feel however you want to and there is nothing wrong with that. Having a loved one with cancer brings all sorts of feelings and we dont need to add guilt, but we do. Your feelings are important and every bit as important as your partners. You must allow yourself to feel sad and low, if you suppress these feelings they will come out eventually and in a worse way. We didnt ask for this journey and we get through it however we can. You simply have to give yourself permission to feel the feelings without guilt and allow them to come and go. sending hugs xx

Thank you for your reply, it's really helped and seeing it as next phase etc.. is a really good way to look at things. I am currently on lunch and have decided to sit outside and soak up the sunshine. - must be good for us! 

Thank u again and sending hugs your way. 

Thank you and spot on, yes need to acknowledge my feelings and face them. Thank you for your reply and sending hugs. Xx

HI Bobby_32

I hope today has been a brighter day. I get it....

I've been supporting my husband through his stage 4 brain tumour journey since Sept 2020. Things aren't heading in the right direction here either. Some days are easier than others...but then you know that.

I echo what the others have said but also wanted to add that its the strongest most resilient among us who show our emotions. By showing them - yes, even the tears - its means we are processing them and not bottling things up. Acknowledge each emotion and let it go in its own time.

Like motherofboys, I find being outside can be a huge help. I try to get a decent walk each day, weather permitting. I also journal a lot. You might want to try that. It's a means of expressing all the thoughts and feelings that you can't say out loud. No one else will ever read it (unless you let them) so you can "speak" freely. Seeing the words down on the page can also take some of the power and fear out of them. 

Please also remember that this community is a safe and supportive space and we're here for you. Everyone around here gets it. There's always someone around to listen, hold your hand or even offer a virtual hug when its needed. You're not alone. We've got you.

It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can also call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Last year I wrote a blog for MacMillan that might help too. Here's the link “I’m fine”: how do you really cope as a carer? - Macmillan Online Community.

For now though I'm sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of positive energy. Stay strong. You're coping so much better than you give yourself credit for. (You'll just need to trust me on that)

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Thank u so much, this has helped me massively, your words are so true, all responses have helped. Thank you for links etc.. I will have a look xxx sending virtual hugs