Letting go

Update 

My niece came on Friday and Saturday and will return  to Uni today. My eldest will come today although he has been a few times and video called as he works away, I haven't mentioned this just in case anything happens and he didn't make it and also so Mom doesn't think she needs to make an effort while he is here. Sorry rambling .

Hi' Julesh, first of all your going to have to step into your fathers shoes. My late father in law lost his wife on new years eve back in 2008 and immediately after her funeral wanted rid of all her clothes and move house. At the time I couldn't understand it thinking he would loose all the memories and I told him she would still be there for him and he'd see her in his minds eye still sitting in her chair and hear her talking to him.

Now I face the same situation as him as my wife is terminally ill with cancer. Only now do I realise how stupid I was and that I didn't know what I was talking about.

I know you want to help your dad but the fact is you can't help him accept it and why is it so important?

You need to understand you and your family will grieve the loss of your mam but when it's all over you will have lives to go back to, as will your your dad but now, without your mam being there for him. He has been alongside your mam, sharing their lives together highs, lows and everything in between for many many years, much longer than yourself and you can't compare his level of grief and fears of living without her, with yours.

Your dad will be dreading the time when he eventually returns home alone to the home your mam and him built together in the knowledge his wife won't be there to greet him, or when he wakes in the morning he'll be alone without her there to say good morning to or have breakfast with.

It's also very different when a husband loses his wife than vise versa. In my house every item around me was chosen by my wife. Every decor, ornament, picture, furniture, utensil, crockery etc.was chosen by her. Yes I was included in choosing sometimes but predominantly it's the women who are the homemakers and no doubt it's the same for your dad. So when my wife dies, nearly everything around me will remind me of her and I know it's going to be painful.

All I'm saying is there's no rush. Both of you let time take it's course and enjoy the time left with your mam. It will help your mam if she knows both of you are content if only for now.

Hope this helps.