So you get given the booklet at the beginning of this journey and it's scary. You never think you will ever need to know this stuff. You realise it may be possible but you never really believe it's gonna be necessary. I found out my husband had cancer 5 weeks after I watched my mum die. Literally!! I thought why now? I can't do this right now. Watched my mum slowly disappear for a year. Managed to get her out of hospital/nursing home and then her own home with care support in the home plus me, my sister and my daughter. Watched her take her last breath and then this!! I was so upset, angry. Lost. So, anyway, almost two years later. We are here. 6 monthly check ups. Still doing well. But always waiting. It's like living with a silent bomb. It may stay silent forever. It may start slowly ticking. Or it may explode. How do you know? How do you live with that possibility?.....
Hi C369Z
It was something I really struggled with but then I found help, mostly just someone to listen.
Working with a group we discussed how "it was not fair" - we were challenged as to what would be fair then.
Then I have lost friends totally out of the blue - heart attack, kidney failure but worst of all in an avoidable accident and my wife is still here and as far as anyone can tell - including the oncologist - in good health.
Then sometimes we turn to simply sayings like - yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that is why they call it the present.
Always here, standing together.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Thanks for listening. 
️
I’m honestly the same… I’m going out of my mind with stress..
Dad died 2years ago. I cared for him at home for three months with gangrene and cardiovascular disease… best friend died of 3 types of cancer shortly after.. then within weeks my husband diagnosed with stage 4 advanced prostate cancer. Now my other dear friend has been diagnosed … I feel angry all the time.. swear a lot!! It seems to help…
this anticipatory grief is torture… you know it’s going to end… it stains your life together. I would honestly rather not know.. it’s half a life. The district nurse says she’s referring me for coun
lling and I’m going to call Macmillan because I just don’t have any emotional reserves left. I love him so much….
love to all of you,
Louli xx
Same. Same. The last couple of years has been so hard since COVID. It's just one thing after another. Managed to get my mum through that then she was told she had triple A and that was it. She thought she was literally gonna die the next day and gave up living. Was hard to watch that over the next year. Was so angry. And swearing a lot too!!! It's overwhelming. I agree. I think I would rather not know too. Do get some counseling. I did for a bit. And I will always be here to listen too. If we stick together, we can hold each other up. X️
