End of life

Hi Sunshine05 

Welcome to our very special family here. Our cancer journey is now over 10 years, when Janice was diagnosed she was totally clear she never wanted a prognosis and I struggled with that.

As a parent myself, our son currently 19 I know too how much we worry about them and I know my parents were rather secretive when they were ill because they were concerned about the impact it might have on us - does anyone in a family ever stop worrying about the others though.

I am sure you will have involved your son's school, they have services specifically dedicated to helping support children in these circumstances. While A levels often seem a critical moment in their lives it is really just a bit of a cultural norm and can be worked around.

I am really glad you posted on here, a social connection is really important and there are lots of people around you that care about you. I wonder if it might help you to talk to one of the team here on our helpline 0808 808 0000 - open from 8am to 8pm.

I did a living with less stress course that really helped me, because I have been down but friends helped pick me up, dust me off and somehow keep going.

<<hugs>>

Steve 

In a similar place.

I find it hard not to keep thinking "this might be the last chance to..." before everything, which puts huge pressure on me to get things just right, and ramps my anxieties up high. I am trying very hard not to push those thoughts onto my kids (now 18 and 21), because I don't want to compel them to feel that pressure. While the youngest was coming up to A-levels I was completely on edge. It was absolutely the worst 6 months I've had. I was trying so hard to be sure he didn't get anything different from his older brother, just because his Dad was having cancer treatment. I took him on some last minute mother + son trips to possible future universities when treatment gaps allowed. It is better now they are both away from home (mostly). We give them a weekly update on treatment, and they don't see all the appointments, so the ups and downs are smoothed out, but they are generally aware of their Dad's worsening prognosis. The closer the end comes, the more I fear their plans being upturned by my husband's illness. I honestly can't guess how they will react. The eldest is due to go on a year abroad and could be called back. In reality I find it easier with them mostly elsewhere, then I only have myself and my husband to worry about!

3-6 months could still mean that the worst for you is after A-level time. Do make sure you fill in all the forms from your school or college for special consideration in marking, both generally, and for any issues at the time of specific papers. And make sure the school/college's pastoral team know the issue.

My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself.