Today’s a not good day

Hi Flyme 

Thanks for this, I know I recognize some days are best being left behind and I think we all on here recognize that.

<<hugs>>

Steve

The headline on your post caught my eye. It's not a good day for me either. My husband has rare mucosal melanoma with a poor prognosis - though he's still doing hobbies and working from home. We lived with the 'sometime it will return' worries for just over 18 months - only now it has. The last surgery didn't get clear margins and now there's another tumour as well. More surgery is no longer being recommended. Some days the sadness just floods in - sitting here at work it is hard to focus. Hope tomorrow is a better day for both of us.

I wake up with anxiety most mornings, not knowing what the day ahead will be, wishing for a 'good day' or a 'better day' but knowing the days get worse as time goes by, and new things emerge to deal with. There is no let up from the constant new challenges.

I've gone through all the emotions - anger, resentment at anybody older than my mum, grandmothers with their grand kids, when my kids no can no longer do those things with their grandma.

I've searched the forums for the hidden cure that the doctors have somehow missed, the treatment to turn things around, and of course come up empty.

I now accept the sadness too, the upset, the mental torture and every other emotion I feel. It's all natural and part of the process. I can wish for a miracle, or to wake up from the nightmare, but no, I'm still in it. I'm grateful for each day I have with my mum now, and treasure any light I find in the darkness of it all. It's the only thing I can do.

Thank you so much for the reply. You really have had so much to deal with. I am sorry to hear about that the cancer has progressed and to hear how sad you are feeling, understandably. Although we are still at the waiting stage, the agony and sadness certainly runs deep. I gain such comfort from a simple message of kindness, knowing that no one can take this away but that someone is thinking of me. My love and healing thoughts to you and your husband. I hope we both find a ray of sunshine to warm our face today xx

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It really sounds agonising and I’m sure we can all relate to wanting to find that new treatment or indeed miracle. I can relate to the fact that thinking about it can be overwhelming and all-consuming. I am learning to be kind to myself and to fill the sadness with moments of calm and peace. Sometimes it works well but when it doesn’t it is really painful isn’t it. Sending love and warm healing thoughts to you and your family xx

:-)

Hey Flyme...

So how are you doing today? :)

Pete

Ah thanks for checking in Pete. All good thank you. Some days can be so hard, aren’t they? We just have to be kind to ourselves x

Yep... You've got to learn to ride the rollercoaster. Remind yourself that even if today is tough, tomorrow will be different.

Glad you are doing a bit better.

Hang in there... It's a tough job and you're doing your best.

Pete

HI Flyme

I hope today's a better day. The tough ones tend to sneak up on us when we're not looking but you know- everyone on here's track record of getting through them is pretty good. Inf act, it's  100%. 

On the tough days I break the day down into manageable chunks. I guess its playing mind games with myself but those smaller chunks of time can seem less daunting. 

One step at a time though and we'll all get there.

Sending you both a huge virtual hug. Stay strong.

love n hugs

Wee Me

xx

PS it is always good to talk so reach out here anytime or give the helpline a call. You're not alone. We've got you x