My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV bowel cancer last November. It came as a shock to us all but I initially went through a period of something that resembled grief and then had no choice but to carry on. I felt like I was coping well with things. Now, however, almost 4 months on, I feel like I can’t go on. I am constantly feeling either incredibly anxious or so spaced out and dissociated. Everyday I cry for hours and hours about my dad and how sad I feel about the fact that I know hes going to die potentially quite soon. I am 21 and in the middle of my degree and I have completely given up on doing my uni work. I’m starting to give up on seeing friends as well because I just feel incredibly distant and spaced out when I see people. I try to talk to my friends about how I feel but a lot of them are either very busy with their dissertations (a lot of my friends are third years) and I don’t want to burden them with my problems or they are visibly uncomfortable when I bring up my dad and often have very little to say. It doesn’t help that I’ve moved back home and very few of my friends are left in my home town as many have moved away. I don’t really have an immediate in person support network. Initially my friends massively rallied around and checked in with my daily and many travelled across the country to come see me. I understand that life moves on for people but I feel stuck. I feel very lonely and don’t feel that anyone can really relate to what I’m experiencing which adds to the isolation.
I don’t really know what to do or how to cope with everything I’m feeling. I am starting to get extremely depressed and drained and I am trying to be strong for my dad but I feel like I am failing
