Hi everyone,
This is my first post here and it’s been a long couple of days for my family. I don’t even know exactly what I’m planning on writing here so please bear with me! I don’t really have anyone to turn to right now so it’ll probably just be a long stream of consciousness!
For the past week or so my mum has been struggling with abdominal pain, D&V and loss of appetite. Yesterday I noticed she looked jaundiced, her pain was increasing and she hadn’t eaten for a few days, so she went to the GP, who sent her to A&E due to dehydration and because she felt an abdominal mass. They took mum’s bloods, gave her IV fluids and an appointment to come back in today for an ultrasound. Today she’s had more bloods, an ultrasound and an MRI, and the gynae team are fairly convinced she has a non-benign tumour in her uterus and it’s likely to be cancer, though we haven’t had any formal diagnosis (though the doctor all but confirmed it tonight). As it’s the weekend and she’s stable, they’ve sent her home to go back to hospital on Monday for a CT scan and to arrange a further plan from there, which is likely to include a hysterectomy and who knows what other kind of treatment. We still have no answers regarding her jaundice - there’s obviously a blockage in the liver of some sort but we don’t know if it’s related to this tumour or something else, but I just know in my heart the two things MUST be related. How could they not be?!
I’ve always had insane anxiety about my parents dying, but I’m only 31, my mum is only 58, and I thought that was still so many years away. It still might be, but I’m completely spiralling and I don’t know where to turn or what to do. My mum is a nurse and currently has her logical head on. I know she’s scared but on the surface she’s taking it quite well. On the other hand I’ve just heard my dad crying downstairs and I’ve only ever seen him cry once before in my life. I just can’t believe that in a couple of days this has become our reality. Our family is so lucky in that illness and loss have touched us extremely rarely, and because of this I just don’t think I’m emotionally equipped for what the future holds for us. I’m a nurse too and I’m usually pretty good at suppressing my emotions at work and I thought that made me tough, but I feel like my whole world is ending. It’s my very worst nightmare come true.
I guess what I’m here to ask is mentally how do I cope with this? How can I support my mum and the rest of my family when I feel like - if the worst happens - none of us will be able to live without her?
Hi charl91 and welcome to our community, though so sorry to hear about your mum.
I sometimes think nurses can find a cancer diagnosis a bit more difficult than others. I know my work has given me a sense of purpose totally separate to my home life but some in caring professions find there is no longer a work/life separation and that can be difficult. However I have also seen many get through this and end up more understanding of carers in the hospital.
My wife has Leiomyosarcoma, but complicated by pyometra and the sepsis gave her a 50/50 chance of survival. She had one type of chemotherapy that resulted in a collapsed lung - but the doctors fixed that. Her second chemotherapy rendered the cancer stable and now seven years down the line we a still going - living with cancer.
I certainly recognize the bit about your dad crying, I used to specialise in the shower. It might help you all though to look at our pages on Supporting someone
<<hugs>>
Steve
