As most posts I have been reading, I also feel selfish for writing what I'm about to write.
I am so happy for the massive support from family and friends we have received. We are, in comparison to so many other cases here, in the lucky position that my husband's cancer is stage 1 non-aggressive and he is now cancer free. So many people have reached out and given support, that is to my husband.
I cannot remember a single instance where I was asked how I am doing. And once the good news came, all support stopped. Which is fine with my husband, as he is doing so much better. But now, once things have calmed down, I start processing everything and all the emotions are coming out for me only now as I was the one who had to function and cook and clean and take care of everything.
We went out with friends and I was the only one who wasn't asked how I'm doing and today I had a doctor's appointment for a general heath check up and my husband didn't even ask me how things went when I came back. I feel like a ghost in my own life, no one sees that I need help as well. I don't even know how to raise that issue with people. I only feel seen when I help, otherwise I feel so lonely and unsupported.
I have had amazing support through the MacMillan support centre and that has helped a lot. But I wish my family and friends would understand how hard is has been on me as well.
How can I get out of this trap? I've lost so much trust in the people around me, and I don't know how to handle this in the future. If anyone feels similarly, I'd like to have a chat on how to deal with everything once things are better.
Hi Konnie0c4bb2
I think many people in the caring role will totally get the feeling of being something of the invisible one, though I suspect that there are likely to be people around you who actually fall in to the same position.
When my wife was really ill there were so many friends and family who would say things like "just ask if you need anything" but when we did actualy need things then it was usually "not today, sorry". One friend though went above and beyond.
My relationship with many is now different, I recognize the power in Macmillan and Maggies and how total strangers are willing to help when sometimes those we felt close to are now a bit more distant and perhaps my wife and I are now stronger as a couple because we know how much we rely on each other.
I wonder if there is anything in carers uk around this sort of situation.
<<hugs>>
Steve
