What’s the point?

Hi Viridian and welcome to our community. You are coping with an awful lot at the moment so it is not surprising how you feel and I am grateful you came here to share.

You do a fairly good job of describing "pre-grief" in your text - lots of us feel like that at times as we see here.

I know health issues are different on the Channel Islands so it is difficult sometimes to compare notes - even in the UK things get different between the different nations.

My wife's cancer is very different and in our case we have an autistic son. One thing I struggled with early on was the whole uncertainty bit and not wanting to promise a cure. We have managed to have some good conversations though and he asked what would happen to him it both of us died.

I broke, then I did a living with less stress course. Taught me to focus mostly on the here and now since I was much better at imaging all the disasters to come. Conscious breathing exercise help me cope with the next curveball life decides to throw our way.

Sorry cannot really say about his treatment, you might find an answer if you posted in Melanoma forum where you would be welcome to introduce yourself to people who might have more experience.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi, so sorry to hear you're going through this. I don't have any experience of the treatment your husband is having but, unfortunately, do understand how you're feeling. My husband has incurable gallbladder cancer and is about to start a stage 1 trial to hopefully, extend his life. He is only 57 and we found out in April. He was well and onoy discovered is cancer via a routine blood test. Chemo didn't work for him and we have had nothing but bad news. I too feel so down and am struggling with my role as a carer. I try to just take it one day at a time and find something positive every day if I can. I hope, knowing, you are not alone helps in a small way.

Take care

Thanks so much for your reply - I didn’t even know anticipatory or pre-grief was a thing.  A living with stress course is also a good idea, as this is an ongoing situation.  It is comforting to know I am not the only one going through this. We have told our daughter and after initially being very upset she has now started to settle into the new routine with Dad home sick and me managing everything.  I am very close with my daughter so that helps.

Thanks for your reply.  It must have been a horrific shock for you both when the blood test came back.  Really hope the trial works for you.  Where did you find out about it?  Are you doing all the nutritional therapies to boost his immune system?

Hi,

His oncology doctor suggested the trial as he had run out of options. It's phase one so they have no idea if it will help or what the side effects might be He is taking supplements and manuka honey and I'm making him a lemon smoothie every day as someone said it's good for your liver. Not sure it helps but it feels like I'm doing something.

I also suffer from waves of grief, then stop  and remind myself that he's still here. It's so hard.

Becky x

What a horrible time for you. Sounds as if you're doing much better than you think you are. Can't help with your drugs questions (sorry) but I just wanted to say I know those feelings - you're left doing things your partner would have done AND what you need to do AND dealing with the fear AND trying to hold it all together.