I am relatively new to this site although am a nurse myself with oncology background.
my mom has been diagnosed with lung liver and spinal mets with unknown primary at the minute, but from raised pancreatic tumour markers, im guessing thats the source. She is 58, always worked, was working with abdo pain and some back pain until 2 weeks ago when we got the results and since then her pain has gotten a bit worse. She can only take paracetamol due to significant IBS and bowel issues (another issue entirely) and to say i am really really struggling is an understatement. She has looked after my toddler every thursday since i returned to work 2 yrs ago (hes 3 this dec) and was planning on doing the same for my youngest when i go back to work in jan. She loved this, loved being with her grandbaby and was looking forward to building a strong bond with her youngest too. my boys absolutely adore her as do i.
i know from my background that she will be told it is stage 4 incurable and i am praying they say palliative chemo may work but im unsure.
i can barely function most days im only 32 myself and feel like im already preparing myself for the absolute worst and grieving the woman who has been my rock since i was born. How will i cope without my best friend? Who will i call about the most mundane things that only she would like hearing about? How will i cope being a mum without my own mom? How will my boys have to live a life not knowing her love and warmth that only she would bring them? A bond so beautiful i ache when i see them together now wondering how long we will have her like this. I know the effects of chemo. I know the storm thats coming of a diagnosis like this and i dont want to watch her become more in pain, more poorly and everything that comes with treatment.
i havent told her my inclination of what they will say and i am unsure if thats right or wrong but i dont want to scare her or worry her anymore than she is already. Shes trying to be strong and keeps saying how she can't wait to have treatment and finish it so she can go back to work and back to caring for her grandbabies but i just dont see that happening. I dont think im really asking for anything but just wanted somewhere to let it all out and see if anyone else is in my position ..
i want to be strong for her but my heart broke that day we were told and i dont think it will ever heal.
