I’m new

Same situation with me. Husband fine now, but I'm left feeling so down  Don't understand myself.

Was diagnosed with 2 different cancers this year, 2 major operations, is fine now. My anxiety levels nearly went through the roof. Now just left feeling depressed.  A total mystery as he's fine.

Hi I think I have found MY answer. Everyone maybe different of course. Before my husband got cancer I wasn't really happy with a lot of things about my life. When he was diagnosed all those feelings got swept under the carpet. I had no time to think about my own needs and wants. It was all about him and dealing with his family/friends. Which it should have been. Now he's better, feeling great I just am left feeling fearful and depressed.  I heard sometimes people divorce after cancer which is so sad. Maybe, just maybe you need to ask yourself how you felt about your own life before your husband was diagnosed?  Try to get yourself back onto your own track and find yourself again.

I will correct the above my husband has actually had cancer 3 times. 3 different cancers, all caught early thank goodness. He had cancer over 10 years ago as well. 

It’s so odd isn’t it, how it makes us feel. I’ve heard before how it affects the loved ones more but didn’t really believe it. Husband has had struggles along the way but sometimes I feel so low and just can’t quite believe what has happened over the last 12 months and unsure how to move forward. I do like your idea of thinking of how I felt before his diagnosis, we was in a great place. Been together 12 years married for nearly 4 just day to day stresses like anyone else. Maybe that’s why it hit so hard because I didn’t suspect us ever having to go through it. It’s always someone else isn’t it! 

Cancer 3 times is insane, thank goodness they were caught early and I hope he is doing okay. Do you ever feel like people around you are always there to listen and give advice but they can’t possibly know how it feels to have the devastating news of the husband having the dreaded “C” how can they help if they don’t know how it truely feels??!! 

My world came crashing down around me when we received the news and had to try and be strong for him, was told by family members to BE the strong one and keep it together when all I wanted to do was crumble, hide away and pretend it just wasn’t happening. 

Hi

We have been happy married a long time too, like everyone else, a good life. I remember when my mother died suddenly I was 25. I had no idea that with grief you go through different stages. I often wonder if there are stages you go through when your partner is going through cancer. I wish I had know about the grief stages it would have really helped me. Does anyone know if there are such stages with cancer carers? Or even a book with advice on how  partners cope mentally? If like me you have been strong, a smiling face, being brave for your partner etc. But once everything is ok its a bit like post traumatic stress, you just fall apart. I hope your ok, it's so nice to know I'm not going mad, not alone and all these emotions are perfectly normal.  

With every diagnosis we both were in bits, both fell totally apart. He's fitter than me now.  I too became the worlds best actress, but fell totally apart when I had time alone.  People were very kind and sympathetic to me but they carn't really know what its like to live with a constant, deep fear in the pit of your stomach every single day, only getting relief when you sleep. A real good cry helps. Also breathing exercises help to control high anxiety.

That is good point about a book, surely there is something out there? 
do you mind me asking where abouts you are located? It’s so nice to know I’m not alone and someone too is feeling similar to me. Thankyou for giving me some hope and reassurance. 

That is exactly the point…. Living with the constant fear! I worry so much about it coming back and to elsewhere in the body and will he be so lucky next time. People say I can’t live that way but how Can I not think about it. Surely I’m just being realistic, right?