Trying not to panic

Hi Ducks

Sorry to hear about everything you have been through, perhaps the important note is that his cancer is not the same as his and so while there will likely be things in common there will also be lots of differences.

I can relate to you talking about being helpful to others, I know I had helped a lot of people but sometimes it can be hard to accept help because I was there - I pretty much broke until I decided I needed help. I found my local Maggies centre and they helped me with next step; then I found Macmillan and working with them has helped me and sometimes challenged me too.

If we look at Looking after someone with cancer we can see all sorts of emotions that everyone goes through, 

Keep talking though - probably the most important of all and together we can make a great team.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Update. Surgery today. 

It all happened very quickly. His bowels would not open enough for the colonoscopy to be successful but they took biopsies and ask him to return for a second colonoscopy. In the meantime he just couldn't go poo. We called the colorectal nurse and she said come in right away. Long story short he was admitted right there and then, with a decision that surgery was needed eminently because of the danger of a complete bowel blockage. It is dukes 3 with some lymph involvement. The surgery today is to remove the tumor reconnect his colon nd take out the lymph nodes. When I was leaving him at the hospital out of visiting yesterday it came out that somebody on the ward has covid so I won't be able to visit again. It's a long day today. I'm waiting to call again to see if he's in recovery. 

I can't fault the hospital for the speed of treatment options. I think we've been very fortunate in that regard

They had to do open surgery in the end. He's in a lot of pain - we're on the phone a lot which is a relief as I can't visit re: covid on ward. Waiting for the doctor to tell him what happened and what's next. I feel quite lost. I am spending a lot of time communicating with his family who live worldwide, and with friends. Set up some WhatsApp groups to keep my sanity. Yesterday was very tense but today I am just... flat. 

It's really hard when you are playing the waiting game. You can drive yourself mad with what if.....  try and find something you like to do and immerse yourself in it or try something really different. I have found putting music on and sorting photos into albums is helping me at the moment. Fingers crossed for you x

He had bowel cancer treated by surgery and chemotherapy, and was given the lovely "NED" (No evidence of disease) last summer. But now we're back. Or should I say, the cancer is back. CEA levels were raised, a CT scan, a talk with the consultant. It's back in his bowel, in the lymph nodes too. Possibly elsewhere. Waiting on MRIs and PET scan. Then treatment plan. Consultant says it won't be curative but they'll aim to give him a good quality of life. I wonder how long he has? He had a new diagnosis of atrial fibrillation in December. He hunches when he walks, oh so slowly. I can't see any of the treatment reviving him, only keeping the cancer under control. So it seems to me that it is downwards from here. I know we have to take it one step at a time but the idea of him suffering is breaking my heart. My heart is also breaking somewhat for myself, to be honest, and I'm scared of being alone, and it looks like that is going to happen. 

Hi Ducks 

Sorry to read that the cancer is back and with the added complication of atrial fibrillation too.

For my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma cure was never on the table but after her second round of chemo her cancer is stable and with a bit of help we got to living with cancer rather than anything else.

Many on here talk about a rollercoaster so I really hope you see some ups as well as the downs.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi I'm so sorry to hear your news. Please try and pause and breath a minute. Your experience with your brother will be what your thoughts go to because that's only natural but pancreatic cancer from my knowledge can be very aggressive and swift but bowel cancer can be very treatable even if it has spread. There are people on this forum who had liver spread and lung and are still having a normal active life 12 years on. 

Try and just deal with today and try not to let overwhelm take you over. Be strict with your thoughts if you can, I wrote a letter to myself that I used to read in hospital when my husband was at his worse just to calm myself, things like this will pass, we will get through this together, he is safe today and being cared for. 

Always here if you need an ear, private message if you like. 

Take care, you will be ok. 

Debs xx

Just responding to the nature of cancer being like a rollercoaster! My 72 year old husband and ( previously a long distance cycling enthusiast and fell walker) was given a stage 4 stomach cancer diagnosis and told that if chemo tried it could only be palliative That was last September and since then the rollercoaster ride has certainly set in. A 5 week ( emergency admission) stay in hospital following inability to eat or drink and a dramatic weight loss ( not expected to ‘see’ Christmas 23 ) then ( amazing nhs) ‘reprieve’ and told after 16 weeks and 8 chemo sessions— cancer had stabilised So now currently’living’ with cancer My question is does anyone else see extreme changes in their partner in particular a tendency to a Jeckell and Hyde existence with them dependent on when chemotherapy takes place? My lovely caring hubby becomes a critical impatient and rude person on days 4,5,6 and 7 following chemo infusion—Is this what living with cancer now means ! Take care all X

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. It is good to hear that his cancer has stabilised. As far as moods - yes my husband changed when he was having chemo. Quite impatient. Sometimes it seems I can do nothing right. In the months when he was doing better, I got cross sometimes because he seemed unappreciative and it put pressure on me. We talked it out and that's improved, or at least we're coping with our changed relationship. Now, with this new diagnosis, he is just very low. He wants to drink, it isn't going to lift his mood but it's his choice. These are hard days. Once he gets a treatment plan I think it will be easier. 2 MRIs tomorrow, a PET scan on Wednesday.  

Thank you Ducks — it helps to know this change in personality is something you recognise Wishing you all the best especially this week which is so busy for you xx