Looking for places where I can vent at 4am in the morning

I would say this is definitely the place. I’ve found a lot of comfort in being able to come on here and put down my worries and hopes and ask for advice when I would not have been able to talk to family or friends without dissolving into tears.
It helps knowing that you are not alone and every one on these forums is going through a similar thing. You may not always find the answers you need or want but there is a sense of shared understanding.

Grasan

HI padjo59

a warm welcome to the group. So sorry to hear about your wife. 

Yes, this is the right place for you to reach out. This is a safe supportive space and there's always someone around to listen who gets it. We're all in the same boat- some boats are rockier than others. 

Since my husband (then 50) was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour in Sept 2020 I have found this a great source of support. There are other cancer specific groups that I have also found helpful so in time you might wish to explore these. If you really need a good rant and just want to get something off your chest, there's also The Room - Macmillan Online Community. I've visited it myself.

It’s always good to talk so please remember that you can  call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Personally I use journaling as one of my coping mechanisms. Once you see it all written down it sometimes feels less scary so that's another technique you may want to try.

Family and friends are great. We'd all be lost without them but they don't always get it. Please reach out here anytime. You're not alone.

sending you both a huge virtual hug. Stay strong. 

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Thanks very much WeeMee,

Sorry to hear about your husband and hope you find the support you need. I'm half way through telling the family (big and supportive) and i know that they need help as much as me with it.

Hard to get the balance right, but I'm trying, between spending time with my wife and getting around to everyone else. Do you think I can delegate the telling to some of the closest? So my closest sisters could tell the others.

I spent a lovely hour on the phone with my wife's oldest daughter and we compared notes on what stops you blubbing in a particularly snotty way. She's going with antihistamine and I'm going with Vicks. A lot of people still to tell.

My wife is lovely and quite tough so has been telling her friends herself. But you have to judge which friends can take it and which will collapse embarrassingly. 

Planning last holiday too.

Thanks Grasan,

They don't do any training courses for this type of thing but this might be the nearest thing.

I’m always here at 4am if you need to talk or vent

Thanks punchbag, it's nice to know how good people are and it helps to know other people in the same boat.

HI

Personally I feel you need to tell folk yourself, in your own time and in your own words but if you have a large supportive family they may already be talking to each other. You'll find the right way in your own words in the right time.

Something you do need to try to hold onto is your sense of humour (dark or otherwise) as it too will help you all to cope. 

Have fun planning your holiday. To pre-empt a question regarding travel insurance for your wife - try All Clear. We've used them twice this year. 

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Just want to add the counter point to 'venting at 4 in the morning' that this is maybe also the place to be thankful at 4 in the morning. Am just randomly scrolling through all the good times that me and my wife have had these last 22 years. She's still waiting for discharge in hospital but hopefully home tomorrow and family and friends are all rallying round gloriously. We only found out about the cancer on Friday but we know that one year is very unlikely, six months maybe par and six weeks quite possible. We are getting everything done to fill this time with joy and love and gratitude (and in all likelihood sex, given our history) so you have to celebrate the joy. And whether it was her going or me, we feel so much for the loss to each other But we've had SUCH a great time. XXX . Oh, and fuck cancer by the way.

Hi, of all the mornings I managed an extra hour …so sorry I wasn’t here when I said I would be …hold on to your beautiful memories padjo59 …joy, love and gratitude …a wonderful partnership , fill your time reminiscing, being together, and keeping the love you share alive xxx

So sorry to hear of your wife’s prognosis.My husband was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer .He is 59.So I can relate to everything you talk about.We have had such fun .I want us to enjoy this time together but he is floored with chemo and on a syringe driver ,although he is still active,can walk and cycle a little .I would love is to have a family holiday but it just seems like an impossible thing to organise .