Hi all, I’m new to this and I need to vent some things.
I am so incredibly angry. I have just turned 30, planning a wedding and planning to start a family when everything is turned upside down.
my amazing husband to be was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroendocrine cancer back in December. He wasn’t particularly poorly when he was diagnosed but he has gone down hill so quickly. The cancer started in his bowel has destroyed his liver and moved on to 70% of the bones in his body.
he has just had his six month scan after being on analogue therapy since diagnosis and the tumours in his liver have grown. Some as much as 4cm. He is in an awful lot of pain and we are struggling.
I don’t know how to be the person he needs me to be.
I am trying my best doing all the everyday work that needs doing, housework, dog walking, food shopping as well as working full time and I am struggling.
and then the guilt comes, I complain about these little things that I have to do and he is battling this disease and some days can’t even get out of bed.
and I’m scared, I’m scared he is going to die and I’m not ready to lose him, our life was meant to be starting.
I have never felt as lonely as I do at the minute.
we both have family who are there when we need them and I don’t know what I expect them today but it doesn’t help.
does any of this get easier?
I cry everyday and I am scared that we will waist be the rest of his life being sad.
I know this was a lot of word vomit and I’m not really sure what I expect back, reading over it all I can think is how selfish I sound making it all about me but this is how I am feeling and I don’t know how to not feel this way and how to be the person he needs me to be.
life’s not fair for any of us
