My Mum has terminal cancer and I look after her on my own at home. We have some family around who drive us places (as i cant drive) but not support in the house, just me.
Mum has been quite down since the beginning and shut herself off from seeing people (other than me and her sister) and going out which I understand but did try to encourage her to do things. We used to go for walks a lot but we haven't been since the diagnosis last October.
Her mobility and strength is very poor now. We got a wheelchair but I only managed to convince her to go out in it once with me and now she refuses to. She won't come and sit with me in the garden either which I thought might be an alternative, just so she isn't in the house all day. I try to be encouraging but not pushy, I've tried talking about it with her but she just gets angry with me. She won't see anyone for mental health because she says there's no point now. She's very negative and down a lot of the time. She just wants to die. I've tried to do all I can to improve her quality of life for however long she has but its not easy. I'm finding it quite difficult to manage my own feelings when she is like this which is most if not all days.
Should I just accept what she is willing to do, even if that's next to nothing? Even if that makes her mood worse and worse? She is still her own person and its not up to me, its just hard to see everyday, I want her to have as good a life as she can for as long as possible. I just wondered if anyone had any similar experiences or advice about how they managed this sort of thing
Hi al_5
Sorry to hear about you mum and the impact it is having on you. Cannot say I am in a similar situation but certainly have seen similar posts in the past and it can be a real struggle being the carer, indeed if we look at Looking after someone with cancer and especially the section coping with being a carer might be helpful.
Has your mum had a needs assessment, it might be helpful for you to get a carers assessment too - these are provided by your local council and may help you to find a way to recharge your batteries and may make your life a little easier.
One of the things your post has reminded me of is the serenity prayer:-
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you for posting on here, your story I am sure will chime with many others in a similar situation because we all know how hard it is.
<<hugs>>
Steve
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