It’s a frequently asked question these days and it’s one I ponder over regarding how best to reply. I wondered if anyone in this community had found an appropriate response?
I respond as though I never had cancer. UUGH! if it has been a rough day or "Excellent" if it has been a good day. It's up to you and it's ok if you don't feel good.
Hubby is on round 4 of 8 Xelox, I want to say it’s a breeze but it’s horrific, to see hubby lifeless, gaunt, crying is gut wrenching, the first few weeks, I said “ I’m fine, each day as it comes” and feel I have to be strong for him and every person that can’t deal with his diagnosis or ask how he is, but now, my answer is “it’s shit” , I can’t find the energy to sugar coat it for anyone as feel they are releaved if I say fine, so now it’s just shit xx
It absolutely depends on who is asking. I can be honest with the 'inner circle' although they really don't need to ask. To others I just say "We have good days and bad days" which is perfectly true without going into details
If it’s a “how are you” that’s just used as a greeting then it’s just an extended hello really and isn’t asking for more info. If it’s a really bad day I can’t say “ good thanks and might reply that I’m battling on or “still here!” Or “hot!”
If it’s a closer friend or family member with time to hear the answer then it’s best to give a truthful response I think. Though I am pretty fed up with telling people the truth and having them tell me to be positive or take each day as it comes or try not to spoil now with fears of the future - all of which responses I’m finding I have less and less tolerance of.
Hi…after struggling with these up and down days for almost 12 months , I finally contacted my GP , I asked him to look at my husbands records and then he would understand what was wrong with me…the bottom line is he’s arranging counselling for me, a friend said it helped her, and still does , 5 yrs on from her husband diagnosis….the one thing that gets to me, nobody ever says AND HOW ARE YOU …we’re on this journey too , not physically, but emotionally it drains us xxx
After not seeing a Doctor since January (I don't count the Consultant who gave my husband his terminal diagnosis) we are both being seen by the GP. Of course the MacMillan palliative care team have been wonderful, but even they have despaired at our surgery (not replying, not prescribing, not referring etc etc). Anyway something has changed all of a sudden, I don't know what, but we are being treated quite differently. He will be seen by the same GP each month, and I am being listened to and have an appointment with a Social Prescriber next week (not entirely sure what that is, but I we'll taking all the help we can!)
I got the impression it was "Go away and die and let us get on with treating those we can treat". That has definitely changed to "What can we do to help you on this journey?" Hurray!!
Sorry to hear your surgery wasn’t supportive of you until recently. We are fortunate that our GP has been wonderful and has done so much for my husband. We haven’t had input from the MacMillan team for a long time but it has now got to the stage where my husband is going to need a lot of care when he eventually comes out of hospital and we have been referred over to them.
I hope you find it beneficial seeing your GP regularly and wish you both all the best.
Thanks Lynne. I'm sure you will get all the care you and your husband need. Luckily my husband needs very little care at the moment, and to look at him you wouldn't think there was anything wrong. He has Signet Ring cancer throughout his peritoneum for which nothing can be done, but as of now all his vital organs are clear. It feels like a time bomb waiting to explode.
