I want to cry but I can't

Hi Jodie

Just wanted to reach out via this forum and say that I was deeply touched by the love and care that shines through your post. To have so much going on in your life and yet you still keep “being there” for everyone. I totally understand the frustration with your brother as I kind of had the same with mine when first my mum and then a few years later my dad needed care. His stock answer when asked if he would help was “I can’t as I find it too difficult to deal with “!!!! No s*** Sherlock, I bet you think I’m just sailing through all the emotional, physical and financial care I give!!!! 

I hope you can find some support for yourself, most social services teams will do a carers assessment which identifies YOUR needs as a carer. And it’s sometimes helpful to just have a rant on this community…  I find it helps me. 
Grasan

It was hard work this morning getting my husband up & out of bed. Because he can't feel his legs due to the tumour on his spine, we laughed getting his underpants on & then both shuffled along. Trying to keep his wobbly legs moving & nit for him to fall over. We nearly got stuck getting through the door frame " I said breath in" . He said don't make me laugh can't control me legs.

Spent all day up at the hospital, waiting for Paul to have another MRI scan and to be assessed with his legs not working. To find his cancer has spread to more parts on his spine.

I feel numb, what with more bad news, I wonder how much longer I have you for.

I told my mum and asked her to ask my brother to help her more, but she does not want to say anything.  Because he only deals in broken promises. So she depends on me.

I am now crying, because I was given bad news yesterday.  To find out my darling hubby has months left to live. Don't know how many months but we have a lot to sort out. My heart is broken we would be celebrating our 8th anniversary in September, hope we get to go away which has already been booked. 

Next week he has a big operation on his spine to try & remove the tumour which is effecting his legs.

Hi Jodie97, sorry to hear about your husbands prognosis. I am in a similar situation in that we had a meeting with haematologist last week and were told hubby's leukemia is now untreatable and looking at 3-4 months. He is quite well at the moment and I don't really know what's to come. We've had some bad spells of him having sepsis but he looks great for now so I feel lucky that we can make some memories but he just wants to stay in and watch TV! I don't know if he doesn't want to accept the news or is just trying to maintain some normality. I am off work and only getting SSP so financially we will really struggle.. am just feeling useless and lost... xx

Hi ,firstly I feel exactly the same as you do , want to cry but can’t. You sound like a really caring person , we all need time for ourselves, my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the tonsils two years ago , we had just moved from the city to the coast , hospital visits now take a lot longer which is such a strain , we thought he had beaten it after chemo and radiotherapy but it has reappeared in his spine now. He’s lost over three stone in weight and is not the same person. He has no energy and is tired all the time. We booked a holiday in June ( after researching insurance) for some well earned rest for both of us , we were going with family and two days before we had a sudden bereavement of our granddaughter who was only 21 months . Our insurance company have declined the claim , how much more can the universe throw at us 

Sorry to hear your news Elfqueen & Leebee, I can see our stories are all very similar. I myself want to get out there & enjoy what life we have left together. But he is too tired or not got the energy. Its hard to get motivated,  Joining a careres group with others who are in the same situation (palliative  care). Hope to get some ideas.

I have spent the last 6 weeks visiting my husband in hospital traveling at first 90 miles every other day. That's 45 there & the same back home. The tumour on his spine stopped his legs working so they needed to stop it compressing on his nerves.

While going through a first stage of cutting off the blood supply to the tumour, he caught covid which upset us a great deal. I thought I was going to lose him & he was in such a dark place has he also thought he would never get out of hospital. They still removed the tumour the following day. It was horrible not visiting him for 10 days, but I had a hospital appointment myself. The first time I ever thought about myself it hurt me, I new I had to do it.

Cut a long story short he is now home recovering and learning to walk with a frame & wearing a neckcollar & brace. I may have to wash him & get him dressed & put his neck collar on every day. I have got him at home with me. I miss not having cuddles & kisses & sharing the same bed, that is because he sleeps upright & still suffers with covid cough.

Part of me finds it hard to except we will not be together for ever, I just want us to go out enjoy ourselves & I feel jealous of my brother who goes away most weekends with his family. 

Try  and stay strong, take each day as it comes. Continue to show you love them even when they aren't playing ball. 

Sending big hugs to you all. Xx

Sending hugs back x

Hi All

i to am in a similar position to you all. My husband is terminal and I’m finding things really tough. I’m still in shock about the news and I’m unable to digest it all. My heart goes out to you all.

is there a way of chatting together to support one snatcher please? If you’d like to that is?

take care. We are all in the same boat xx

Hi , sorry to hear about your husband , Always here to chat , so busy caring don’t always have the time to come on the site , I only know how to chat on here x

Hi Friendlygal, sorry to hear about your husband, it is tough only we know what it's like.. Friends & family only see a small part of it.

I would love to chat.

At the moment we have a lot of hospital appointments.  We have another 2 next week at Exeter 45 miles away. One for CT plan & Radiotherapy on Friday. Its been none stop in a week & half since he came home from hospital. So tired, my mum tells me to slow down & rest,  can't when they need the bathroom or if they are not feeling well. 

I did manage to sign myself up to do some swimming next week with a friend. Just a spot of R&R.

Keep in touch. Xx