I am feeling so frightened of loosing Mum : (

So sorry Bella84, I completely understand how you feel, you've put my own feelings into words, so I thank you. I lost my mum too through cancer, it's horrid how we're given hope, then it's snatched away from us. My heart goes out to you. It still hurts after decades of being without her and I miss her everyday still.

This journey we're on, like it's the end of the world because we can't imagine life after the journey has ended. Sorry for my true cliché, but the sun will shine again though you'll never be the same.

No words will ever be able console you, but it's good that you've formed your fears into words. Big hugs xx

Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reply and thank you for your words. Im sorry you lost your Mum and you still are feeling the pain of her loss. It's such a sad thing to go through and I know this horrible illness is turning people's lives upside down day after day all over the world. But it just seems to suck you into a little lonely world of your own at times. Writing it all down just felt a  helpful way of getting all these thoughts out of a constantly spinning head . Hugs Xx

Bella84 I feel your pain. The dilemmas you are feeling. The guilt at wishing your mum would just fall asleep and not wake rather than deteriorate before your eyes. Cancer is a horrible illness. My dad died of cancer 25 years ago and my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer during the pandemic. She was given 6 months but is here 18 months later after 2 rounds of chemo. But like your mum her health has deteriorated.  Weak and losing weight. I support her as much as I can but it's hard. Grieving what she was. Yet loving that she is still here. It's painful for sure especially knowing things will get worse. I cope by overeating and my weight is spiralling up whilst my mum is fading away. I'm sending you my love xxx

Thank you for replying . I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too it is truly horrible . Like your mum mine was given 6 months but thankfully has surpassed that . The grieving starts from the moment we are told it's terminal which is one of the hardest things I've struggled to take on. It's such a long period of anticipation for grief it can really take a mental toll . I cry a LOT and the tears bring on really bad headaches but I can't seem to stop crying. I just feel so so lost . I am a Mum myself and sometimes feel that I'm loosing sight of that and becoming wrapped up in this all consuming grief. That brings on even more anxiety because I feel like I'm letting my daughter down at times. Giving up work to full time care has also brought on financial worries in a time where living day to day is hard enough. It's just a horrible experience and my heart goes out to you and everyone who is going through the same. Sending love to you and your family . Stay strong xx

Hi Bella84, 

Reading your post made me quite teary as I'm in the same situation. I'm an only child with no other family, it's always been me and my mum. At the beginning of April she was diagnosed with stage 4 suspected womb cancer, she had an operation for 15 hours which was one of the scariest moments of my life. She had her first round of chemo then developed severe vomiting which caused dehydration which put a strain on her kidneys then she had an intestinal blockage. It's been a complete whirlwind, like back to back episodes of a horror series. I'm completely burnt out and really struggling because I want to do everything I can for her. I've no children, not through lack of trying, and I'm terrified she'll pass before I get to have children. She is my best friend, my conscious and in all honesty I really don't think I'll ve able to cope if/when she passes. She's extremely strong but very pragmatic and isn't sure how long she has left. I just really want to wake up from this bad dream. Stay strong but know its okay and normal to be sad and angry, all of those emotions are normal xxx

My mum is in christies at the moment and yesterday got told she has 6 months, you've taken the words right out of my mouth and described exactly how I'm feeling too, she's failing fast and also vomiting, rapid weight loss and kidneys and bowel no longer functioning fully, it's a scary life to be living and I honestly don't know how I'll cope without her, I feel your pain and I'm so sorry you and your mum are going through this x x x 

• I'm so sorry for you and your mother. I don't think words can really articulate how you must be feeling. I think it'll take a long time to find a way to function as this is a life changing situation but your mother has given the tools and guidance to process everything in your own time, noone else's so just take it one day at a time and please look after yourself and spend time with your mother. Please reach out if you need help, I'm here too. Big hugs xx