Struggling with emotions

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So my husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer 2 months ago. Obviously this came as a great shock as we’re only in our 40s and he’s very fit and doesn’t smoke. Initially  the doctor told us not to worry as it couldn’t be cancer. After a first few weeks in shock and crying we’ve decided to stay positive. He’s had his first surgery and we’re starting radiochemo for 5 weeks this week. I thought I was handling everything until there was an incident at work. Something totally not my fault but I simply couldn’t handle it and my actions made the situation worse and I’ve upset a few work colleagues. Work have been great and I’m taking a bit of time out. But I simply can’t stop crying. I’m totally beside myself. It’s like I’ve completely over reacted but I can’t seem to calm down. If that makes sense! Is this normal? Feel like I’m letting my husband down. I’ve got to stay strong as the next few months are going to be tough. 

  • Dear A38,

    I completely understand how you’re feeling! My (32F) partner (34M) was otherwise fit and healthy, and his diagnosis of bowel cancer earlier this year has far and away been the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with in my life so far. My emotions (which were already a bit unpredictable as someone with anxiety) have been really all over the place. I’ve personally found it really helpful to talk to my GP about how I’m feeling - it felt selfish at first, but we have to look after ourselves to be able to look after our loved ones!

    I hope it helps to know you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling, and you aren’t getting anything wrong. You’re doing your best in an absolutely impossible situation.

    Sending you love and hugs, and throwing prayers your way x

  • Dear All

    It’s so reassuring to read these messages & know my feelings are not unique.
    My husband was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer in February. Life has been a rollercoaster since, with a month spent in hospital with infections & life threatening sepsis, amongst other things.

    He’s now started chemo & life has reached a ‘new normal’. However the smallest thing can upset my equilibrium & I’m a sobbing wreck. Life feels very bleak & many of our plans for the future (we’re only in our mid 40s)  have vanished.

    He remains mainly optimistic, positive & pragmatic which is great, but I feel permanently exhausted, on edge, responsible & anxious. 

    It’s nice to know it’s not just me that feels this. We must always try to find some sunshine Sunny️ 

  • Hello 

    my husband has just been diagnosed  with stage 3 lung cancer 5 days ago - I had all my question- which they answered - I can’t stop crying

    its spread - left lung / chest / lleft adrenal/ 

    I can’t bare to say it : 

    they are offering targeted therapy 

    immunotherapy /chemo 

     The consultant know the cancer he has 

    your post sounds just like me  - I have been told to stay in the present not to think of the future -

    I just can’t imagine my life with out him- right now he’s out playing golf ( totally normal/ ) 

    treatment start in one to two weeks

    -I nagged him to go to the doctor because of tickly cough / 

    from x ray to biopsy in less  than one month- it’s so shocking 

    he has no other symptoms: 

    I feel I am grieving - the loss of our / MY life 

    my friend has told me love and cherish him each day -

    I think I am being selfish -

    my sister died in Mach stroke 

    and her son took his own life 

    As he couldn’t cope ( he had brain tumours ) 

    I am so worried- 

    but he just living life doing what he can now - I have read the treatment is harsh

    - he had had to stop working as he’s a builder - which is difficult financially 

    I will deal with that when need too:

    So many hospital appointments

    to attend .

    I will go with him for the treatment - 

    He said he can drive / but I read he may be tired or sick - so many question 

    thanks 

  • Hi

    believe you me this is normal….. my husband diagnosed with lung cancer on 9/12/21 not a day goes by that I don’t become completely overwhelmed and cry and this is July!

    hubby had immunotherapy didn’t work had one round of chemo 10 days ago ….severe infection mouth ulcers dehydrated  now in hospital

    seeing consultant tomorrow outlook not good

    hubby asked consultant before chemo  if chemo doesn’t work how long have I got reply 4-6 months

    Life shattered. Carers have to be strong god knows what’s going through cancer patients head

    want to wake up and it been a nightmare 

    Don’t beat yourself up ……. Cry as much as you like this cancer is real and lethal…….and that’s why carers are devastated also

    look after yourself honestly it’s normal scary frightening but real

    And that HURTS!

  • Mother of boys, love the way you have described this, oversized duvet into a small suitcase, exactly how I feel at the moment, I'm stuffing away then someone asks me how I am and bits start forcing their way out x 

  • Sunshine girl have you spoke to a Macmillan advisor about money, get things in place. They are very good.

    We did, the only trouble is 3 days after getting the forms sorted for PIP, my hubby has gone down hill quickly with his mobility. Have been told it can take up to 9 months to get sorted. 

     

    Jodie97

    Sending big hugs to you all

  • The emotions we go through are like a box of frogs..once opened they fly out in every direction..never in a predictable way! My husband has stage 4 colorectal cancer with secondaries in his lungs and liver and we are 4th year of it. He's facing his 4th surgery (all the 4s only noticed that now) soon which will be to remove three 22mm lesions that have appeared since March. He had radiotherapy on his lungs last few months so that might mean a reprieve there. I have good days where I feel like I'm on top of everything and then suddenly, I'll lose it  or react in a totally unexpected way which will be as much as a surprise to me as everyone else. Anger seems to be my emotion of choice at the moment. I haven't cried in over a year. Not necessarily a good thing I have to say. So in answer to your question; every kind of emotion at any given time under the circumstances we find ourselves in is normal for people under severe stress and I'm sure your employers and colleagues understand that. Far from letting your husband down you love and care for him and you are doing you're absolute best to keep strong and keep going. Big hugs xx

  • My husband has just been diagnosed with advanced localised rectal cancer. We are just waiting for the start date for 5:weeks of chemo and radiotherapy to shrink the tumour prior to surgery which will result in a permanent stoma. His anger and violence, whilst totally understandable, is destructive and leaves both myself and our new dog frightened. At other times he is his ‘old’ slf…positive and loving. I am finding it hard to juggle the rapidly switch emotions and to stay calm when my own medical issues are escalating.

  • I’m on such a similar journey, hi! It’s really really hard. Now at 3.5 yrs and he’s had initial re section, mets removed from liver, lungs, then massive APR surgery. Now chemo. Sending love. How is your husband coping? 

  • We’re currently halfway through radiochemo and he’s coping well with the side effects but I’m shattered. I’m not very good at accepting help but have swallowed my pride and accepted everything going. Strangely he’s more positive than me! We’ve a holiday booked after radio and just before his big op and he’s really looking forward to it but I just can’t seem to see any light at the moment. He’s no idea I feel this way which I think it’s the hardest part of all this. He’s the one I’d normally turn to first!!