Hi, my first ever post borne of desperation to reach out to anybody. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 weeks ago and we were told its terminal and hes only got 2-3 months. Hes just about to start radiotherapy as an inpatient to try and ease his symptoms, which are complicated by COPD and compressed arteries. I've known him for over 50 years - we were friends long before we became a couple. Like many of you have mentioned, he is everything to me and I am struggling to get my head around whats happening. Im trying to be supportive but since he's been on pain medication he has become abusive. I constantly find myself apologising for him. I feel guilty that I can't do more, frustration at the situation, feel like running away one minute and yet wanting to be with him all the time. The situation is moving so fast and changing everyday. I don't know which way to turn.
Im sick myself although nowhere near my husband's level so I shouldn't complain but with restricted mobility I'm finding it physically painful to drive to see him and I daren't take my own medication as I wouldn't be able to drive. Im constantly on edge waiting for the phone to ring. Does anybody ever accept this type of situation or have you found a way to cope? I would be really grateful for any advice.
HI Granny3
so sorry to read about all that you and your husband are going through. It' a rollercoaster ride of emotions, especially in these early day.
Not sure I really have many words of wisdom here but felt I needed to reach out to let you know you weren't on your own. It can get very frustrating trying to juggle everything.
have you spoken to your husband's medical team about the change in behaviour? Is he on steroids? My own husband has a stage 4 brain tumour but back at the start of the journey he was on steroids and they made him more bad tempered than usual. It might be a reaction to the medication so its worth noting it with the team. Also you've both been given a lot to process with the diagnosis itself so that too could be playing a part.
Is there anyone who could help you out with lifts to go and visit him while he's in hospital? One of the most important things to do here is to take care of yourself too. The road ahead sounds like it might be bumpy for a while so you need to take time to look after yourself too here. It's not being selfish- its essential.
I've been travelling this road with my husband for almost 22 months and I think at some point along the way I have just become resigned to what lies ahead. He's doing so much better than expected. They gave him 12-15months and he's way beyond the now. I've tried to keep doing the things I enjoy that help me to cope - going for walks, reading, journaling, creative writing (I'm an indie author) and going out with friends when I can. A little daily dose of normality helps to recharge the batteries.
This group is really supportive so please reach out anytime. We're all here to support each other, to listen and offer a virtual hug when its needed.
It’s always good to talk so please remember you can call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Hope this has helped a little. I'm sending you a huge virtual hug. Take it one step at a time. Remember to breathe.
love n hugs
Wee Me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Oh I'm so sorry. Sending you love and light and hugs
love n hugs
Wee me xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
