Firdt and last post

11 months after his diagnosis, outlining his  prognosis of 6 months with treatment, my darling husband passed away on 17th May. He's gone though his treatment with minimal side effects and zero pain, but his last 24 hours left me feeling so utterly helpless. I was off on long term sick from work to care for him from that first appointment. 

For all those caring for their loved ones, I just wanted to leave a little advice in here.

Try and make the most of every day as best you can. Take photos, keep a diary, bevause when you're on the other side of this vile disease, they bring comfort and happy thoughts. 

Being a carer sn't easy. It drains your soul, its exhausting physically, mentally and emotionally. Watching the person you love change before your eyes and have no power to influence or stop the changes broke my heart. 

Take time for you when you can. I had to have eyes on my husband 24/7 as he had seizures due to the brain mets so even a nice soak bath was a luxury I relished.

Talking with your loved one about their final wishes is the hardest,and most painful conversation I've ever had. But, its vital. Now I find myself in the midst of funeral arrangements, knowing what those wishes were, peversly gives me comfort. We even went to view a few cemeteries, so he could pick the one he liked best. He chose the music from his play list. Left me a list of who he would like there and so on. 

Wishing you all strength, resilience and so much love. You can do this. If I can, anyone can. Now my caring is over. I feel like I've lost my job, the days are long, the house feels empty and my big girl pants are on. 

C x

  • Hello

    So very sorry to hear of your loss, I wish I had words to comfort you, your advice is exactly right, the time during the final weeks, is the most precious ever.

    The loneliness and silence after a partner has passed is often unbearable, it will be. a year in July for me, I am managing life a little better, but every day is a struggle to get through, without my Linda. Please PM me if you want to chat, anytime. I hope you have family who can give you some emotional support, A call to your GP may help. 

    take good care of you

    Keith
    When you smile the world is brighter, you 
    touch my hand and I am a king, your kiss to me is worth a fortune, 
    Your love for me is everything I guess I'll never know the reason why, you love me as you do, that’s the wonder the wonder of you.
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  • Hi Crystal Mayze

    so sorry for your loss. 

    Sending you healing love and light and hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Crystal Mayze,

    Your post says it all.

    Take care,

    WDJ

  • Oh I’m so sorry and thank you for posting.  Your thoughts and advice are helpful, and meanwhile my heart breaks at your story. This doesn’t have to be your last post if you have more to say or if you can gain any comfort from us.  

    I’m terrified we are about to get a terminal diagnosis and I don’t know where to turn or how to be. It feels so alone.  

  • Hi I know exactly what you're going through and I'm sure many others on here do too  - My husband passed away last Friday morning and I just feel so lost, lonely, sad, angry and thinking how do I carry on now and cope with all the c... that's left behind ? But we do somehow don't we, because we have to - just wanted to get this out there and we're all going through all this awful time together even though we don't know one another. Sending you hugs and hope we can be as strong as we can be but it's so hard I know  xx

  • I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.

    Words seem to offer little comfort right now, whilst the grief feels so raw but please know that I am thinking of you and wishing you all the very best and sending you a huge virtual hug and lots of love. x x

  • I am so very sorry Crystal for the loss of your beloved husband.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to offer such thoughtful and poignant advice despite your own grief, to think of other people is truly touching and I really hope you are able to find some comfort in your memories and your diary.

    I am writing a blog on here as a form of a diary and I find it very cathartic. My daughter has acute lymphoblastic leukaemia diagnosed two weeks ago and I am trying hard to be as strong as possible for her and to write my thoughts and feelings out and also a timeline of sorts, of all that has happened and it does help me to feel less shocked and numb about what we are facing.

    Much love to you and a huge virtual hug as well. x x