I need some advice please, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour back in July 2022, he underwent chemotherapy straight away, this finished in November and everything was going well, he was cheerful and everything was good with us, he went in for the final part of his treatment in January for a stem cell transplant. When he came out of hospital, he was really struggling physically and mentally, he was like a different person, he would get angry, mood swings, very depressed and it took its toll on us, I struggled and we began to argue when I had to tell him his salary would be stopping at the end of April, we both said things which we probably shouldn't have, he has savings but refused to use this to help at this difficult time, I became resentful, and this took away from caring and supporting him in his recovery, anyway, fast forward, 3 weeks ago, and he announced he was packing his clothes and moving to his mums for a temporary separation, at the time, I thought it was probably a good idea to get space but since then, I am devastated and want him back home but he says he needs this space, we still speak but it's all necessary things such as appointments, phone calls and our 10 year old son who he doesn't make a lot of effort with either, I have since apologised for allowing the financial problem to stop being emotionally supportive I should have been, it was just very hard, no timescale has been set, he is about to have his final scan which I take him too, he has a fear the cancer has not gone, a fear it will never go, his licence was revoked due to the type of cancer which means his job is also gone, I dont know how to handle this now, do I just allow him to have the space? How long for? We have a holiday booked for August which I have doubts he will now come on, I dont know to handle this, I am carrying guilt but it was not intentional, it has just been a very hard few months, please help
Hi Confused
Sorry to hear about what you are going through and the challenges your husband is facing too.
Often people struggle at the end of treatment - if we look at the beginning to recover pages we can see some fairly typical reactions.
Add to this worries about your finances it is perhaps not difficult to understand his feeling - however this is not your fault - your reactions were also rather normal. It may be worthwhile looking at Benefits and financial support to know where you both stand. In terms of his job - is there any other role he could perform in the company - talking to the advice service here may help his workplace keep him on staff even if he cannot perform the role he did previously.
Perhaps for you the most important thing for now is looking at Your feelings when someone has cancer - because one thing we all need to learn on here is how to look after ourselves - and for you both you also have your son to think of.
<<hugs>>
Steve
