Palliative diagnosis

While I was caring for my Wife Linda, rightly or wrongly I didn’t dwell on ‘the inevitable’ because it wouldn’t have helped me or Linda. We both knew what was coming, but just lived each day to the fullest we could, I still wish I had told her I loved her far more often, but in hindsight, that may have made her more distressed. She loved me just sitting next to her, holding her hand, this gave her great comfort. If it’s possible, I would suggest concentrating on the love you share and feel for each other. You never know when the inevitable is going to happen, we were told it would be months, but Linda stayed with us for another 3 years, obviously that’s not always the case. Enjoy every moment you have together.

sending you love and strength

if you feel you need some support or advice, perhaps try contacting MacMillan, Someone there will help guide you.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/ask-macmillan-form.html

Hi I'm struggling with this too, I can see the end of the road now with my husbands diagnosis and I dont want to go there - he was diagnosed with lung cancer last July which spread rapidly and spread to his brain .We were both coping well and doing all the normal day to day things just a bit  limited because his breathing was bad and he couldnt walk too far. Then 3 weeks ago he had a fall at home and broke his hip, he's still in hospital and I cant believe the rapid change in him - he is now so confused, cant walk, cant read or use his phone, feed himself etc etc. Looks like the brain mets have accelerated so quickly and I now feel he's just fading away and wont know me soon ? I know he'll never come home again and the hospital is trying to find him a place in Care or a hospice. I think its the shock of how he's deteriorated so rapidly is what I cant accept. I thought we would have more time together in the house we only moved into a year ago and 2 months later the cancer was diagnosed. I really understand how you feel and its so hard to try and be positive when you know whats on the horizon and how you'll deal with your feelings afterwards. This is a club we all never wanted to sign up to and I so wish we could all turn back time and start again ......  

Thank you for your kind words x

Thank you my thoughts are with you 2, I only joined this community recently, I have really kind and thoughtful friends and don’t want to keep burdening them and felt I needed to share my feelings and thoughts with others in a similar position x

Dear Jaw1

im sorry to hear about your husband. Unfortunately my husband has been told he won’t be offered any treatment at all. I keep thinking, is it his age, the progress of the disease ? Why have they written him off ? I’m tormented that I’m being too passive. 
Your post and the questions in it helped me a lot. 
I realised that I need to just stop worrying about the coming weeks and be with him and just do what he needs when he needs it. His decline has been soooo fast. 
I just wanted to let you know reading your words helped me to slow down and refocus so I’m not sure if it’s helpful to you to know that your question helped me or not but perhaps it might. 
take care

M 

Hi Jaw1

My Dad had treatments that worked for a while but in November 2016 they stopped working and we were told palliative care from there on in. We thought the bottom fell out of our world.  He stayed with us for another 2 years with mums loving care and her calling the GP at the slightest indication of an infection.  

I hope you get lots of time with your husband, make as many memories as you can. One person in a support group I attended used to go away into a hotel now and then with his wife, no contact with anyone just 24 to 48 hours of no cancer conversations! Might be worth doing x x 

Take care

Julue

Dear J 

thanks for your encouraging words. 
we are already past the point of being able to leave the house sadly. 
my OH has become incontinent and is sleeping 18 hours in every 24. 
I can’t believe that six weeks ago we were having fish and chips on the beach.
I don’t have any reliable GP to call on. I can’t get through and since Covid you can’t go in in person so I’m not allowed in the building. 
my husband has refused to go to A& E. I feel abandoned by the NHS to be honest. 
However at least we are together and whatever happens in the coming days I will just find a way through. 
he is reconciled to death and very very calm. 
I’m not but I’m hiding it from him. 
best Wishes 

M 

Hello

I am so very sorry to hear your sad news. When My Linda was in the palliative stage, our GP, allowed me to phone at any time, and told the staff to always put me straight through. There are special considerations available at such times, is it possible you could ask for such an arrangement ? I know all GPs  are not the same or obliging, which is a great pity

sending you strength

Hope sharing your thoughts on here helps even just a little 

Thinking of you & holding you in my heart. I'm so sorry for what you are going through ️️️