Carer for my husband.

Hi I'm a carer for my husband, and I work part time. My husband's been diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, and been in remission for blood cancer nearly 4 year's. I find it hard some days, because my husband can get into an argument when I just want to help him making sure that he's taking his tablets, and check on his hospital appointments.

  • That’s very tough given you are trying to support him. My husband also has advanced prostate cancer and my problem is getting him to follow medical advice eg he hardly drinks anything and doesn’t accept that more fluids would help. But I just tell myself when he ignores our upsets me that he can’t help it. I do feel sorry for myself though, and I don’te you for doing the same. 

  • Hi Bayfield, I completely empathise. My husband has recently been diagnosed with kidney cancer. Thankfully, it seems operable. However, he was also born technically blind (severely sight impaired). It makes his quite spikey. He can be very loving, but then out of the blue, boom, we're in an argument.

    Today it was something silly, the cashpoint didn't work (and of course he struggles to see it) but a suggestion to go inside the bank and get help did NOT go down well! (It's embarrassing in public too!)

    And now I am starting to experience it over things to do with his cancer as well, like getting him to prepare for appointments and the op (he procrastinates to extremes). Even an idea to treat him to massage at a place I know that is male friendly, seemed controversial. Oh excuse me for caring Face palm

    Sometimes it just seems relentless, can't do right for wrong, and the unpredicatble nature of it! Never knowing when you're innocently going to step on that landmine.

    I've started marking off a calendar, telling myself each day is a day closer to a better day Pray

    My thoughts are with you xx

  • HI Bayfield

    oh I hear you!  As carer's we need the patience of a proverbial saint.

    My husband was given a terminal diagnosis in Sept 2020 (stage 4 brain tumour) and its impacted his ability to communicate and understand. He's a control freak by nature which has also complicated his behaviour on occasion. When he was going through his 6 weeks of treatment he repeatedly lied to the CNS and said he'd come to the appointment alone while I'd be sitting out in the hallway waiting to be called in. (Covid rules at the time meant only he could go through to the waiting room) He lied about taking the steroids that had been prescribed and confessed he'd been binning them! He got fits from the CNS when I told her that one.

    He can be moody and sarcastic one minute then absolutely fine the next. 

    Like you all I want to do is make sure he's ok, taking his medication and not doing anything that's going to harm him but he's not making life easy some days. Worse than a spoiled child!

    Stay strong. Dig deep for that extra crumb of patience. Remember to breathe. As a friend keeps telling me "it'll pass". It's tough though.

    This group is a great space to reach out so please feel assured that there's always someone here to listen who gets it.

    Send you a huge virtual hug. You're doing so much better here than you give yourself credit for. (you'll just need to trust me on that.)

    love n hugs

    Wee Me xx

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • I hear what you are saying. My husband has lived with kidney cancer since 2013, as time moved on things have got worse. He now has a tumour on his spine which effects his legs more than his arms which was found in 2021. He is so frustrated with not being able to do things he use to or wants to do. I ask if he's OK or does he want help with anything he just snaps at me. I am also a carer for my disabled mum which can be hard at times & I do this with no help from my brother who won't speak to me. Long story.

    We as carers do our best to look after others, but we also take the blunt of loved ones frustration. They say look after yourself. So im hoping you do, take time out when they get frustrated with us.

    Sending much love & big hugs.

    Chris

    Jodie97

    Sending big hugs to you all

  • Hi Jodie ,

    My husband has been living with  a neoendocrine tumour since 2010 with carcinoid syndrome.  He had to retire early from his job. Some days he snaps at me when I ask him if he wants help, I think it's a male thing  they don't want to appear weak in front of you.  He can't cut the lawn now or cut shrubs from overgrowing cause it puts pressure on his tumour and releases all these horrible hormones that leaves him breathless & feeling very unwell.  So I kinda know what your going through.

    Kind regards.