Hi, I’m new here. I’m late to join. My father-in-law has been battling different mouth and throat cancers for 12 years. It is finally beating him and he is in the last stages of terminal cancer and is deteriorating rapidly. He is now almost bedbound, just struggling to the Komodo due to refusing to toilet in his bed even into a bottle. A few days ago he became incontinenet at night and since we ( son, daughter, I law son and daughter and grandchildren) are looking after him day and night between nurse care, has became upset at this. We don’t mind at all changing him and the sheets but he is so embarrassed and upset. We were given large nappies by nurse yesterday but he is so upset at just having a pad under him that the nappies would be a step too far ( even the nurse today said she didn’t have the heart to mention them as he is such a proud man). We just don’t know what to do or say to make him feel better about the situation.
what are other peoples experiences of this and what would be the best way to approach it without making him feel worse.
Hello
your Father in law is so fortunate to have such loving family to support him, I can understand the embarrassment for him, it can’t be easy.My Wife had to have pads, as she wasn’t able to get out of the hospital bed in our lounge without 2 people to help. We got extra large pads and just loosely wrapped them over her, which may be an option for you. I hope you find a way to keep your Father in law comfortable and keep his dignity. Are the support nurses able to fit a catheter for your father in law, my Wife had one fitted and once she got used to it, was a lot better than having to struggle out of bed to use the Comode.
sending you love and strength
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
Hi Arthur, thank you for your lovely reply. I searched this site and others last night and found that men can have a sheath to collect urine. I have mentioned it to my SIL tonight ( it’s her dad ) and she is going to ask the nurse
tomorrow . I feel it may be a better option than a catheter and certainly a more dignified alternative than the ‘nappies’. We love him to bits. We lost our mam ( my MIL) 13 y ago to cancer within a couple of weeks and she was in. Hospital so this is all new to us. We have looked after him since we lost her as he wasn’t very ‘domesticated’ LOL, but he is an amazing, strong man and my surrogate dad since I was in my teens when I met his son, so he is a big part of my life.
PS I’m only up as I took time off work to look after him tonight but a nurse has came this evening so after a few hours sleeping today and seeing him tonight I’m still wide awake. I’m staying with him tomorrow night but at work Thursday so it’s going to be a long Thursday, but he is worth it and we want to follow his wishes of staying at home so what is, is.
Hello
My Wife Linda insisted she didn’t want to go to hospital, she never really liked hospitals, as you are doing, we were respected her wishes. A hospital bed was arranged, luckily we have a large lounge. MacMillan nurses attended 3-4 times. a day to wash her etc. We always believed her stay in the hospital bed was only temporary, it was mainly arranged, as she had a fall, and cracked a bone, which we believed would heal. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be, and she only used the hospital bed for a week or so.
keep strong and positive
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
Thank you
My only one regret is that I didn’t tell Linda That I love her often enough, but I I know that she knows 
️
Yes I only concentrate on the happy memories now, it’s the only way forward.
keep safe and well x
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
