Dear all you fine folks,
Well my dear old husband (who is exactly like a cross between Ozzy Osbourne and a Victorian Gentleman) came back from the latest 3 week stint at our local hospice yesterday. He'd been there for pain control. He just came home with more oramorph but they did manage his pain fairly well and I got a break of sorts. During this time he had what I think will be his last CT scan which showed extreme progression of his lung cancer, with the mets to his adrenals, bones and kidneys all worse. The scariest thing is that he now has more tumours in his lungs but one large one pressing on his Superior Vena Cava meaning if it obstructs he can hemmorage, swell up, become short of breath and generally just die in a horrible way. Or he will die of the cancer ravaging his little body. They have given him weeks to live. I say months- they always shake their heads at me. Ummm he is up walking around, wandering and losing thing repeatedly, eating and drinking and not that fatigued. SOOOO in my mind unless it does indeed go horribly wrong and it obstructs- he's got longer. He was due a care package and blister packs. We got neither. And because he has capacity - he can come home. I want him home to die- absolutely. If these are his wishes- and actually, at this point- he didn't really NEED the 20 minute care visit he was due to get for help with his washing and dressing. As we "speak" he is in the shower. BUT the support would be nice. The blister packs can be sorted in 2 weeks. And we remain on the list for care. But it sucks that they get a choice but we don't. We the people who will be long suffering and doing it all and watching them disappear and change before our eyes. I had one small simple glimmer of HIM last night. One tiny 15 second look where we looked at one another in the eyes and he was there, with me. My life has gotten harder and harder and just when I think it can't possibly get GET any harder...it does.
I am trying my best to take every day, every hour hell every minute at a time.
But am not coping in my head at all.
And just....must.
Love to you all-
T.
Hello
its so difficult to know what to say. I cared for my Wife Linda, which towards the end was not easy, even had to learn how to give her injections for her nausea, but my difficulties were nothing compared to what she was going through, she was so so brave, right to the end. I hope when my time comes I can be as strong as she was. I know we must treasure and cherish every moment we have together. Say how much we love each other. I so wish I had said it more. I have requested friendship with you, if you feel the need to talk, but can’t manage on an open forum, then send me a private message, I am here for you, I wish I had better words I could say,
sending you love and strength 
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
