Life in limbo

I know exactly what you mean.  It was like reading my own words. Even today I was asked to be on a podcast panel for someone in July. I can’t commit to that as I have no idea what will be happening then, and it’s so hard to work out what to say - I don’t like lying, but tell the truth and they feel awful which I don’t want. My life literally revolves around my husband’s cancer and keeping up with full time work (now from home). I’m with you. Sending a hug x

Thank you for sharing.  I just needed to hear that someone else felt the same.  Sending hugs right back x

Hi AmandadePanda

I hear you! I know exactly what you mean!

The prognosis my husband was given "expired" last Nov and they've not given us any revised timeframe or expectation so we really are in limbo. He doesn't want to know which I get but it doesn't help. 

It's like everything is up in the air - our life, the kids' lives, everything. If I book things or plan for things weeks or months down the line I'm thinking "will he still be here?"

My husband on the other hand says he's fine and is planning as though he's going to live forever. As a family we've already recognised that he's in denial and its his way of coping. There's no point in bursting we so play along with him for the sake of an quiet life. Not the ideal answer but the easy one.

I've been sleeping with one ear open since his diagnosis in Sept 2020. I'm terrified of waking up one morning or in the middle of the night to discover he's slipped away. 

Like Bim07 I'm working from home full time but reluctant to commit to things that  I might not be there to see through. Fortunately my employer gets is and has been really understanding.

it's not easy being the carer, is it? But we'll get there. As a good friend of mine reminds me regularly, "it'll pass".

Hang in there. Stay strong. Sending you a huge virtual hug

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

My goodness your words are just so much my own.  'Sleeping with one ear open' is exactly what I said to the doctor today when I explained not sleeping.  Thank you for sharing it really helps to know others have same thoughts and feelings.

Hi AmandadePanda

I get just what you mean - but some time ago discovered this was not going to be sustainable in our cancer journey - I sort of went down with a bang and ended up walking in to my local Maggies and crying my heart out. Had to take a break and the one thing that could give most easily was work.

Further down the line we now do make plans, off to Butlns for a holiday soon but just accept there is a slim possibility that it might not happen - of course nowadays with covid almost any plan could go awry for anyone.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you.  I hope you do manage to get away.  Hugs returned to you xx

I also feel exactly this way and then Ed up feeling so guilty for feeling this way. The sleeping and anxiety you mention is also like listening to myself and the fear that things might change at some point but that that might mean something awful has happened. It feels so difficult and every way I look is terrifying

Yes, this feeling is certainly a common one with me too.

We know that we have to make time for ourselves but this is difficult to do when you care about someone so much.

Being at the end stage is as difficult as knowing it is going to happen, with us, I want to be with my wife all of the time. Again, I know this isn't healthy nor practical. The constant thinking of when the phone will finally ring, if I'm not with her, is the worst!

WDJ

Sending hugs.  It helps me to know others feel the same.  We will get through it xx

Thinking of you and your wife.  Such an emotional rollercoaster we are all on.  Sending hugs xxx