My partner has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer & has an unknown number of months left. I hate saying this, but he has always been a difficult man; quick to take offense, quick to anger, and very negative. His diagnosis seems to have magnified this.
I have had cancer myself, and know how terrifying it is. I am fortunate that I have been 3 years cancer free. I can understand a little of the emotions my partner will be feeling, but if course can't fully comprehend what having a terminal diagnosis does to a person's emotions.
My partner has become so very bitter, and verbally abusive. I've been sworn at, had doors slammed in my face, and it seems I can't do or say anything right. I understand that a lot of this is due to fear, frustration, and all the other emotions he must be dealing with, but it's becoming very hard to take.
He is like this not just with me, but with other members of the family, and with friends. In addition to feeling crushed by his behaviour, I feel overwhelmingly sad that the memories we will have of this time are of him being to nasty to us.
I've tried telling him how hurtful his behaviour is. I try to do positive things to make his days more comfortable and to do things he would like, but I can't get through to him. I suggested he talk to someone outside of the family about how he feels, but he refuses.
I have got to the point where I have to go into another room, or leave the house for a while, because I am finding this so hard to take. This makes me feel bad because I feel he shouldn't be alone right now, but it's either that or be with him and take the abusive behaviour. It feels like he considers that his illness gives him free reign to say exactly what he wants, irrespective of how hurtful it is.
I really want to spend this time making special memories with him, and helping him to have the best time he can, but I can't if he won't let me. I am at a loss as to what to do for him, other than continue to be as supportive as he will let me, and try to develop a thicker skin, but it's very hard.
Has anyone else experienced this, and how did you cope please?
Hi Chi-wow and welcome to our community, though sorry to hear about your partner and the impact this is having on you both.
In my time on here I have certainly seen similar cases but the nearest we got was with my wife pushing me to look after myself and not worry about her.
I certainly agree that making special memories might be good but perhaps from his point of view that might feel a bit more like giving up.
My biggest turn around was when I did a living with less stress course, the mindfulness aspects of living in the here and now was very helpful and the conscious breathing was great for dealing with issues when the arise but also getting a good nights sleep.
<<hugs>>
Steve
