I am a bereavement support worker, I help people with an asbestos related diseases, mostly mesothelioma and lung cancer. I help patients at diagnosis and families after a death. I run Bereavement Support groups and listen to countless heart-rending stories of deaths and the fall out afterwards. I also provide one to one support in person and over the telephone. So far this year I have dealt with 30 deaths. And now my husband has lung cancer, inoperable, chemo didn't do anything to shrink the tumour, we are now on radiotherapy, it is unlikely to be curative, but hopefully will buy us more time.
I now realise that all the things I have said to patients and their families in the past when facing the same situation, don't really mean anything. I know what is to come in all it's heart breaking detail. I have heard countless accounts of it. I know all about anticipatory grief, I am living it now. I feel like I'm juggling so many balls that they are all about to come crashing down, I see-saw between hope and fatalism. I am sat at my desk in my office at home now, knowing that I have 3 phone calls to make to newly bereaved widows and I don't know if I can do it today.
Just for today, this is all about me because I am really struggling and had to say it out loud (or rather write it so that someone else sees it). Tomorrow will be different, hopefully the game face will be back in place and we'll do what comes next.
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I once had the pleasure of meeting James Withey talking about The recovery letters and his own journey through depression.
I did a living with less stress course with Maggies and it really helped me. The "mindfulness" bit of living in the here and now - and the idea that “Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.” really came to mean something. The conscious breathing techniques were great for dealing with the unexpected too.
I am sure with your role you have supervision - do talk to them. I am having regular meetings with our welfare advisor at work at the moment and that is very helpful.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi I do a similar job to you and struggle too however my husband doesn't have terminal cancer but has been thru chemotherapy and radiotherapy and its currently a nightmare and I'm trying to work too
I get it it's hard bit what I do is focus on today only and don't think about tomorrow too much. I do my best and that has to do. Sometimes I cry sometimes I don't it's hard work but try and keep strong and get through your storm x
Oh my gosh I am so sorry to hear about you and your husband. Yes today is about you and I wish I were a bereavement counsellor and had some expertise to share the right words of comfort that you h
e shared with so many. I knew a bereavement counsellor and one time she shared with me the exact right thing when my friend got a terminal cancer diagnosis. It honestly made all the difference- headvice helped me say and do the right thing with my friend that was so comforting to him and meant so much to him. And now that he’s gone it is something I treasure- that I could say and do somethg that brought comfort and knowing I did that brought comfort to me. So yes I am sure you have really helped so many and I hope and pray you receive some of the great comfort you have given to others.
(erg I put little praying hands at the end and suddenly they inserted in the text and I can’t delete them! Oh well hopefully you can read my words and intent still with them scattered around.)
