Just exhausted

Hi Martha G

I think anyone who has been here for a while will recognize exactly where you are at. I know my wife gets a little bit upset if people talk of her being brave and that "strong and positive" bit - well if only things were that easy.

Often we find ourselves feeling really lonely, detached from reality when we are just working our way through a next to impossible situation one day at a time.

What helped me was doing a living with less stress course, it helped me realize I was living in a world of "what if''s" rather than what is. I found that summed up rather by the quote from Randy Armstrong "worrying does not take away tomorrows troubles, it takes away today's peace". Life still of course finds an ability to throw curve balls and the conscious breathing exercises help to cope then they happen to.

Perhaps the best trick from my GP though was to make time to go for a walk, preferably somewhere with trees.

Keep talking, keep listening and together as a team we will find out way through.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you Steve. Wise words and everything you say makes sense. Was the Living with Stress course available online? I might like to try that.

Since writing my original post, I have tested positive for Covid. So that at least explains why I was so crazy tired and it gives me justification for feeling that way. Not that any of us should need it!

My hubby has the 'half-way' scan tomorrow, so we are going to need the coolest of heads and calmest of patience to wait for the results which we have been warned may take 2-3 weeks. Nothing can prepare you for this forever-waiting game. Preparing for the worst and hoping for the best - its like trying to feel happy and sad at the same time. Not really compatible. I think I'll just take hoping for the best. Every time .

Hi

My living with less stress course was done online as a trial by Maggies but I am not sure if they kept going with that but there are some links here

There are some more general stress management courses available online but perhaps not so many with such a clear focus on cancer and its effects.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Wow it feels so reassuring to read someone else in my situation. I’m a wife of hubs with inoperable stage 4 oesophageal cancer. We’ve gone from a great fun life - and seemingly healthy- to this in 3 months. It’s devastating and I totally understand the exhaustion. And the ‘you’re so positive’. I feel so isolated abd so desperate but just can’t show that to everyone. Abd then the waiting. It’s awful. We’ve lurched from one wait to another abd been struck down and lost hope at every turn. Starts chemo Wed and that really is last hope for improved symptoms even though it won’t save him. So good to hear your hubs is doing well.. 

Hi Bell. So sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. The shock of it is absolutely shattering, I know. For us, it was shortly before Christmas and I had to pick up the million pieces I was in and somehow bungle them back together so I could face up to family members with a brave face. I turned myself into a warrior and I am still very much in the business of 'beating' cancer. Since chemo started in Jan, I have waged my war on the side effects, always looking for ways to fight them. Researching nutrition ideas to support his body under this assault. Finding answers to the discomfort of peripheral neuropathy, which has been the most difficult effect of Xelox. So far, it is working. Hubby is eating normally again and the pain and discomfort in his gullet has significantly reduced. None of the medical team can offer us any real hope for the future but we continue to hold on to our own version of hope, knowing that miracles do happen. Just know that you are not alone. Very happy to share any of my experiences of chemo with you if its helpful. All the best for Weds. Keep hope alive.

I feel the same it's OK just do what you can and get through one day at a time

Hi Martha

I am sorry that I did not see your post previously, I want to come in here and just say, we are all different in the way we cope with the experience that we have been given, and for me and Dal remaining focused, positive, and as strong as possible is something we actively work at.  

As you know Dal was diagnosed in May 2020, he was originally given a 4 month prognosis without treatment, and a possible 12 months with, he has been having treatment virtually every 2 weeks since that May, and somehow he goes from strength to strength. I know this is not the same for everyone, I know the devastation that this disease has caused and is causing and I understand the exhaustion, the worry, the ongoing concern and the waking in the night looking over just to check that he is still breathing.   I live in fear that things could still go wrong, that one day things won't be so good.  

All that said.. I take myself to the gym now and then, I do go walking in the forest and hug a few trees (literally)  when I can, like you I research possiblities, we incorporate holistic and music therapy and other organic supplements into our daily routine, pretty much trying anything that may help.  

Some days are sad days, I can't say why as I don't really know, because we are living each day as a bonus based on his prognosis, and in many ways we are living what I had prayed for, but still there is occasional sadness.  

I hope you have now recovered from covid and if you can, find time for you, it is important, for both of your sakes. 

Lowe'