I'm sitting here in tears again. My husband fell down the stairs this time last year. He broke his neck in three places and his collar bone. Many other cuts bruises. Hospital under blue light. Obviously under COVID restrictions I couldn't go with him and for days all I had was bits of info when I could find out where he was and contact the ward. So mega stress not knowing what the outcome was going to be. Away he was ok. Slow recovery at home after hospital discharge. However while he was in hospital he had many whole body scans and the outcome was a recommendation to have his heart checked out and also to have a colonscomy as they could see some thickening of the bowel. The outcome being that he has a heart fibulation which is being treated with tablets. He had no symptoms or pain from his stomach and bowels so we just presumed it was piles . When the doctor came out to speak to him. He just sat down ,brought a nurse in. Then just announced you have cancer. We were pollaxed. We had no thoughts or concerns and without any warning he just said that then left us with the nurse.
Out come 12months on. Chemo and radiation therapy. Then surgery. Had torrid time in hospital . Had infection which to this day they won't tell us what it was, Now has permanent stoma. No more treatment needed according to the hospital. Awaiting follow up appointment with surgeon.
Doctors nurses all telling him how lucky he is that it was found before it spread. ( Think he will punch the next person that says that to him.
Was totally depressed in hospital and they wanted him to see a someone about his state of mind which he refused. I agreed to have him home even though he was not managing his stoma because of the state he was in.
He suffers with sciatica and his 3weeks in hospital he was in chronic pain and really weak could on just walk.had to have wheel chair to get him home. But I thought once he was home and could treat his back and build he's fitness up he would come round.
He's back is improved but never going to totally repair. But his mood is getting worse.
He has some problems with his eyesight and has difficulty seeing his stoma. He will not even try and manage it himself. So I have to do all the the things that I expected he would be doing for himself. Can't even go out or get a nights sleep without him wanting me to change his bag when required. He panics. As it fills up like a balloon almost instantly. It's so full when you try to change it you can't even get the spray to unstick the wafer at the bottom before all the contents overflow. Sorry to be so graffic but I understand the panic.
He constantly complaining about the smell says the whole thing is aborant. It's not me he says didn't want it (a bag) which was a constant statement he told all the doctors nurses anyone that would listen. But he had no other options other than no operation.
Know constantly saying should not of had it done he was in no pain , could walk ok.eat what he wanted. Etc etc. Etc. It's none stop.
Had him on the floor three times in two weeks as so weak just slid of the bed when trying to get up. Don't know how but managed to get him up.
Bit like this rant sorry.
I'm at my wit's end. Don't know how much more I can take. Crying all the time. Husband just saying pack that up your no good to me like that. You haven't got any thing, it's him that having this. His life is ruined.
If I get upset and tell him that this has saved his life , there are lots of unfortunate people who don't have the opportunity as their cancers are inoperable. Just saying he doesn't care about anyone else just himself and if the doctors had told him the truth about after the op he would never of had it done.
Been in tears again, husband just asked me if I've finished having a tantrum.
No children, no close relatives. He's got no friends. No support.wont even go out the house in cause the neighbors see him ,Sorry but now totally having to care for him.
Think it's my life that's been ruined don't see anyway out as he won't/can't managed his stoma. Shouldn't be like this he got a second chance why won't he even try.
Apologies for the length of this just had to do something to get it off my chest.
Hi Brummie lady
You have absolutely nothing to apologise for here - you, and indeed your husband, have been pushed beyond what anyone should ever be expected to cope with and with little or nothing in the way of support. An issue is that your story is rather more common than it can be comfortable to achieve.
Well done though - you came here - often people find just writing their story down can help to relieve some of the pressures - the old a trouble shared bit.
It does sound what you both need is a proper assessment of how your lives are going to be going forward, a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for you - hopefully before you both end up in hospital. Your local council has a duty to do these - the adult social care department.
In your shoes I would seriously recommend giving our helpline a call, they will be able to talk you though more of the process and ensure there is some support in place for you. Many carers on here, like me, have come to realise we need to make space for us if we are to maintain any degree of sanity.
Hope that help some.
<<hugs>>
Steve
thanks
