Sorry for the rant everyone but feeling quite low today. My husband's personality has changed so much since he finished treatment for stage 4 mouth cancer in August 21. His recovery has been very challenging with 4 admissions to 4 different hospitals for biopsies since December 21(all OK thank goodness). In recent weeks he has developed Anemia and depression which is now successfully being treated. But he has gone from a loving husband who would always put others first to someone who is completely different from prediagnosis to being totally self obsessed and really uncaring.
I have been in bed for the past 3 days really unwell with Noravirus.To keep him safe I have isolated myself to 1 room in our house. When I go to the bathroom I spray every surface I touch with bleech. Obviously I have made it clear to him to keep away from me as I don't want him to get it. But all he does is shout from the bottom of the stairs is"you this that is bad it is nothing to what I have gone through! ".
This may be true of course but he is completely uninterested in asking me do you need any meds or are you OK. I cannot tell you how different this is to how he would have reacted before getting cancer and now he just seems completely self obsessed with his own health and could not care less about me or anyone else when when they get ill. Does anyone else on here experience this with their partner. If so how do you cope with it? Thank you for reading.
Hi @welshpony - so sorry to hear that you have norovirus and so it is zero wonder that you feel low.
Unfortunately cancer does sometimes affect people in the way you describe, partially of course because in the "real" world nobody talks about cancer - despite the stats saying nowdays 1 in 2 people will face cancer in their lifetime. What we quite often hear on here is talk about carers feeling selfish for putting their needs in the pot too - sometimes however we must if we are not to break.
I came close to collapse when I walked in to my local Maggies centre and they sat patiently and listened to me quite literally cry my story out. They helped me form a short term plan in to what had to give and get me back on my feet. Later I did a living with less stress course with them - got to understand a bit more about how I was helping to increase my own levels of stress and tps about how to stop that.
Well done for reaching out on here - not a rant at all, just someone in need reaching out for a friend. We can all do with a friend when we are in need - I know I did.
<<hugs>>
Steve
