Personality changes

Hi YTS , This sounds so familiar, My hubby was diagnosed incurable 2 years ago ,in the past 6 months his cancer has progressed ,he also wouldn't go out apart from appointments,  he didn't want anyone to come to the house , there was times he was so angry and nasty I just didn't recognise him I had to bite my tongue , he would not discuss anything to do with cancer when he seen the consultant and doctors he would tell them he felt fine even when he was in a lot of pain , He would only let me do things for him and was really demanding,  when our Sons came to see him he would be so nice to them ,I really felt it was me he disliked , and felt I just wanted to leave him ( which I wouldn't of done )Our GP picked up what was going on with him and referred him to our local hospice ( which he was initially against) The pressure the hospice and Macmillan have taken off my shoulders has been immense,  He is having counselling and seems so much calmer and now realises how bad he has behaved towards me , Have you access to Macmillan? You are all going through one of the most heartbreaking difficult times just remember to take a bit of time out for yourself , sending you a big hug x

Thank you Julie! It feels more manageable just knowing to that I'm not the only one. Macmillan have been in touch but he keeps telling them that we are ok. When there has been any mention of hospice support he pushes this away. I am dripping the Idea that a hospice isn't just for end of life care but he's not yet ready to hear it yet. Someone from the palliative care team is coming round on Mon so I'm hoping for an opportunity to share how difficult I'm finding things. Thanks again for sharing your story x

YT3 , Hopefully you will get the support you need from Macmillan and the Hospice ,I didn't realise just how common the situation was ithat I was in ,Macmillan totally understand and have a way of explaining things to hubby that  I never could , I found sometimes things were lost in the system in the hospital lack of communication etc and it could take time to out sort pain control/medication etc and hubby was one of hundreds of patients whereas the hospice knows him really well and can sort things out much faster,  I hope you and your family will get the support and care you need. 

Take care .

Hi YT3

My story is so similar in that on receiving his new diagnosis 2 years ago that his prostate cancer had spread to his bones my husband almost immediately fell into a deep depression that no amount of medication or counselling could help.  There was no shouting or demanding but instead he would stay in bed for days and weeks at a time.  He loved to speak with medical professionals but pushed me away.  I feel your confusion and pain.  The reality is that your husband, like mine and many others, is scared.  He feels alone and frightened and instead of allowing you to share this with him he is coping in a way that feels right to him, even though it is hurting you.  I don't have the answer, and my husband's quality of life was equally non existent but a referral to the local hospice sounds like a good idea.  This certainly helped my husband who, after 3 weeks in our local unit, passed away peacefully this morning. Those 3 weeks were probably some of the calmest of the last 2 years and the staff were incredible.  He was initially admitted for monitoring and this gave me a wonderful respite from the stresses of coping with his depression (and endless rounds of laundry like you) as well as his cancer.  Although due to come home this week, he took a turn for the worse and deteriorated rapidly.

I wish you well with your struggles.  It really is like grieving for the loss of a person you once knew, but there is help available, and I would urge you to seek it out because you too are living with this disease, and you matter.

Thank you for your kind words and support at what must be the most difficult of times. I spoke with the palliative care team today and feel lots better. My husband seems more like himself at the moment and I'm holding on to it as I know it may not last. I feel like the last 2 years have been a roller coaster of emotions and sometimes I just need to allow myself an opportunity to say how hard it is. This forum allows me the safe space and I thank you and the other members for being there when I need it. I have no doubt that I will find myself struggling again but your words helped me to reach out to the professionals and I can now face tomorrow. Thank you.

I'm so glad that you've started your journey towards help and support.  It isn't easy because we feel as though asking for help somehow makes us 'weak' and that 'we should be able to cope with anything' but the reality is that this terrible illness turns everything as we know it on its head, and we need all the support we can get.  You will find nothing but understanding and support on this forum as we all really do know what it's like at the coal face. Good luck with your journey, and please remember to be kind to yourself.

Dear ChrisB1

my heart is with you as you grieve for your husband. it sounds as though the end was as good as it could be

Thank you cah.  It seems incredibly sad for my husband that he spent 2 years being so frightened of death that he gave up living, when in reality he passed peacefully and without pain with myself and our children by his side, stroking his hands and telling him that we loved him and what a wonderful husband and father he had been.  What a terrible illness cancer is that it takes away not only a person's physical health but can often take away their mental health, their ability to reason, and their dignity.