My husband has kidney cancer

Hello, I hope the scan results were good today.  I understand completely where you are coming from as 16 months ago our life was totally turned on it’s head by my husbands kidney cancer diagnosis. He is stage 4 with mets and was completely healthy before this happened. He is on treatment and his cancer is stable but we are always aware it is there. The first few months were very difficult because he felt so unwell and all I could do was cry, most of the time in shower because I couldn’t let him see me so upset. I can’t speak for anyone else, I can only speak for me but I can’t stay strong 24/7, I’m not sure anyone can. Sometimes I just want to scream from the rafters about the unfairness of it all. I get angry and upset and tearful and sometimes irrational but I don’t wish it on anyone else! I just wish cancer didn’t exist at all.  As time has went by these feelings are still there but they’re not at the forefront of my mind. Our lives have completely changed, but some of it has been for the better, we have both retired even though we are in our fifty’s and are doing the things we said we would apart from foreign travel (blasted covid). We are very open about our feelings about his diagnosis and treatment with each other now, and we both have a very dry sense humour, which does help. We talk about what will happen when he’s not here, as that will happen and he feels more secure knowing the plans we have in place. I think this has helped us enormously. This forum certainly helps as you meet people who are in the same position as you, not everything said resonates but I have found a few gems of advice which I have used to keep me sane. Writing a diary is a good idea, also there may be local groups you can join. Wishing you and your hubby all the very best 

<span;>Hi. I am so sorry to hear what has been happening to u all as a family. It is heartbreaking isnt it. We also are very open about future plans and stuff and we are only in our 50s too and my husband said seen as he cant control the cancer he decided to take control of other things like putting things in my name as he didnt want tlme to be dealing with stuff like that if the worst happens so it has been so intense but i have to let him feel like he has some control of his life so lots of tears in the shower for me too or when he has gone to bed early. Scan went well yesterday which was great and cheered him up abit as nothing showing yet so he can go ahead with trial next week.  We so laugh and joke about his cancer some times as so hard to be serious all the time and we both know what we mean with the little comments as sometimes u have to laugh. We having a few days away now before he starts trial next week to have us time and to relax. Like u i cant stay strong 24/7 and everyone keeps messaging me and telling me to be strong for my husband and do this and do that but they dont realise how hard it is to stay strong as i only lost my dad 10 months ago and couodnt make his funeral due to covid and flights and then this happens so alot to deal with and sometimes want to shout at people when they say be strong , stay positive  but i know they mean well. We will get through it all as we are strong together and want to spend alot more years together doing all the plans we have made.  I hope u all keep well and will be thinking of u too and keep in touch. Best wishes. Thank u again for your message x

I am so glad the scan went well, these things are small victories you can now enjoy your break away. It’s good that you can talk and my husband did that too in the first few months, which I also found hard but it gave him control and settled him so I just bit my lip and let him do what needed to be done. It is true people concentrate on the person who has the cancer and expect you to solely concentrate on them. One of the gems I got from the forum is that you have to make time for yourself or you will burn out. This certainly becomes a priority as your journey progresses through his treatment, if you don’t look after yourself, you can’t look after him or anyone else in the family. I do silly things like get my nails done(and after 41 years in the NHS that’s so good) and pedicures etc. I have also joined a local dog walking group, it gives him peace from me for a wee while and vice versa. I hope you have a lovely break and that the treatment goes well. Wishing you all the best x

Thanks so much. X

1. Hi 2433 ,  Sorry to hear you are having a tough time,  The same thing happened with my hubby albeit 12 years ago ,went to the loo one day and he was peeing blood he had shown no symptoms whatsoever,  within 4 weeks he had scans and had his kidney removed at Christies , they are amazing the doctors there , hubby had open surgery so was in hospital for 2 weeks , the tumour was extremely large and grade 4 , he went on a watch and wait system basically scan every so many months,  he was fine for 3 years and the cancer came back on the renal bed and yet again he was successfully operated on , fast forward to 2019 , and the cancer came back in his ribs , he did try immunotherapy  nivolumab and  ipilumamab but unfortunately it didn't suit him , ( there are many people it does help )the consultant then put him on pazopanib which has helped control the cancer for 18 months, but unfortunately that has stopped working,  so we are trying another round of radiotherapy,  I believe kidney cancer is slow growing which I guess is a plus ( if you can have any pluses with cancer ) you are under one of the best cancer hospitals in Europe) Its a crazy and difficult time you are going through , wishing you both well,  yiu are more than welcome to message me at any time x x

Hi. Thanks so much for your message. Wow what a horrible time ye have had and must have been so hard. My husband cancer is grade 4 which they said is fast growning and aggressive cancer. He is doing an immunotherapy trial phase 3 of it on the same immunotherapy drugs your husband had but with it being a trial he may get those 2 drugs or 1 of those and a sugar solution or just 2 sugar solution but we wont know and christies wont know but if there is any % that it will do something then we have to take it as we had so many plans made and feel like it has been ripped out from under us. We are only early 50  with 2 kids so have alot of future plans but keeping positive as we can and we are strong together which is good and can talk openly which helps him. He is havin counselling now with mcmillan and starts his trial thursday as all pre trial tests done. I hope this round of radiotherapy works for your husband and hope u are doing ok too as it is hard for us as there partners as we are trying to keep strong for both them and us. We havin a few days away now before he starts trial next week just to have us time. Keep in touch and hope all goes well. Best wishes.