New to this group

Hello everyone. My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer today. He went to the hospital with what he thought was a diverticulitis flare up but upon examination, it turned out to be diverticulitis, bowel cancer, and an abscess. He turned 60 just 2 months ago, never drank or smoked, is very athletic and has hardly been ill a day in his life. The consultants need to do some more scans before they know how they will take care of him. They don't know yet if the cancer has spread and will do lung scans today. I found the Macmillan site tonight and  reading through the discussions here which has done me a lot of good. I am just so sad for him and for us, and keep thinking how unfair it is and what a good person he is and how awful it is to be so ill just as we were starting to talk about retirement and make plans for the future.  I find myself sobbing and thinking the worst thoughts. But then I see the stories about how others are doing and have managed and it gives me a little hope. It's natural to keep getting ahead of ourselves, staying in the present is what I think I need to do but it goes against my nature. And I'm so angry and keep wondering if this would have been seen sooner and be more easily treated if it wasn't for covid and the overloaded health service. I know that's another useless train of thought. It would be really helpful to know what you all are doing to take care of yourselves and keep the anger and depression under control. 

  • FormerMember

    Oh so sorry you’ve joined the club no one wants to join.  You will find a lot of good support and advice here with everything you’ll be going through. The first bit after diagnosis is agonising… you’ll not really know what you’re dealing with yet and the waits for appointments and further information will seem very long.  Know that bowel cancer is very treatable and there is good hope for an excellent outcome.  Be careful of Google- a lot of the information and statistics are outdated, and treatments and prognosis are always improving.  My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer 2 years ago.  We found out after scans it was stage 4- having metastisised into the liver.  He has been through many treatments- operations to remove tumours, and chemotherapy to shrink them and eliminate spreading.  There have been many challenges but overall it has been ok and we are still hoping he will be cancer free.  The first thing we learned is you can’t get all treatments at once, his body had to heal for several months in between each treatment before the next one could start.  Your husband’s excellent health will be very helpful in getting through the treatments ahead and should help give him an excellent prognosis.  Do call the Macmillan nurses if you or he want to talk- they are brilliant.  Your mind will be swirling with worries and questions.  I found it very helpful to attend appointments with my husband (even on speakerphone if they won’t let you in).  And to keep a notebook.  We also wrote down our questions before going to the appointments- it’s amazing how everything just flies out of your head once the doctor starts talking.  Best wishes and let us know how it is going.

  • Hi Rosie24

    welcome.... as Juppy says a club no one wants to join and like you I found the site one night about a week ago and it helps me find my strength 

    You will feel anger resentment fear dread anxiety and many more emotions all joined together. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 2 days before Christmas...... got to say a day never goes by  where I don’t just ‘crumble’

    unfortunately all our lives on here has changed and that’s where the resentment comes in, like your husband mine was never ill fit active and working hard and then BANG, and yes you fear the worst and its easy for folk to say ( not on here) stay positive. Folk on here know how hard that is to do and folk outside don’t see the love of their change dramatically and in most cases over night  and ‘plans’ just tossed aside.....

    They carnt operate on my husband ( where it is apparently). He goes for his second treatment of immunotherapy on Tuesday we see the consultant monday

    i have a diary  (especially for my husband ) and write in that everything, tablets, symptoms, when phoned helpline,  daily temperature etc etc  so when we see the consultant we can tell him everything right down to the actual day etc etc and yes we always go in with a list of questions.... in our experience the consultant up to press has always answered our questions during the meeting as they know what they are doing, but I always bring out our list and clarify.

    use your Macmillan nurse, ours is invaluable and is also there for me, she rings me and I never hesitate to ring her

    i am finding it extremely hard like everyone else is on here but they are all very supportive and knowing we are not losing the plot alone really for me helps loads

    i feel for your situation, you want to know but don’t, you carnt believe it’s happening to you but it is and you don’t know what’s going to happen

    All I can say to describe how I cope I ‘function ‘ but it isn’t about us it’s about our husbands or whoever finds themselves with this bloody cancer inside of them.......

    keep in touch this ‘ club’ really does help and let’s us know how things are going if you remember one thing in your darkest moments ‘we’ are all here for you

    take care


  • Hi Rosie24 this is such a hard journey and minutes,  hours and days so much changes. I really have questioned why us so many times.... the what ifs are the worst but only torture us. At times I can't believe we are in this dreadful situation and feel full of sickened fear and deep sadness. Its the people around you that help you through this and encouragement from this group. Sometimes 1 phrase of pertinent words help. 

    Take care x

  • Thank you Bess, I've been experiencing the emotional ups and downs (mostly downs!) too, so I know what you mean. Really appreciate your sharing what you've been through. It does help to hear how others are finding their way and coping. xx

  • Thank you Juppy, I'm so sorry about your husband's health, and sorry to hear how ill he is. It sounds like the two of you have worked out a good system for getting the help and information you need. My husband is just beginning to allow me to be part of his conversations with his consultants, he's always been so private. And don't worry, I am avoiding Google apart from this website I'm keeping my fingers off the keyboard. Too much scary information out there, and I know once I start looking online it'll just scare me more. We did get a tiny glimmer of good news today, which is that his lungs were clear. There will be lots more bad news to come, but I am grabbing hold of this one good thing for now. xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Rosie24

    Oh that’s such great news that his lungs are clear… wonderful.  I’ve realised there’s nothing like a cancer diagnosis to make you feel really grateful when things go well!