Mom is combative

Maybe your Mum is just struggling to process her diagnosis and thinks by pushing those that love her away may make it easier, of course it doesn’t, the devastating effect this is having on all of you & your mental well-being is very difficult to deal with maybe she needs help with this. This is the Matriarch of a family having to had over reins as it were, try & talk to her. I am so sorry that this is happening to you all, take care x

Hi JipJip404.  I think Murph may have a point, in that mum may be struggling with the diagnosis.  For my husband this has certainly been the case, and for the past 2 years there have been very dark periods where he has taken to his bed for 1-2 weeks at a time, with deep depression that neither counselling nor medication has been able to help.  The only thing that raises his spirits is medical intervention in the shape of hospital stays and, as now, hospice care.  It's as though being looked after by qualified medical professionals validates his thinking that the problem is strictly medical rather than a mental health issue.  Unfortunately, he is now terminal, so has spent the past 2 years mostly pushing us away but certainly having little quality of life, even when he was fit enough to enjoy it.

We now have to accept that this will not change as he is going downhill physically too, and it is difficult to remember the husband/father as he was before his cancer as its been going on for so long.  The hospice care recommended by your nurse sounds like a positive move, since mum may pick up once she is in the care of medical professionals, as my husband does.  If so, hopefully this will give you and your family some time with her when she is in a more positive frame of mind.  On my first visit to the hospice to see my husband, he spoke more to me in the first 10 minutes of the visit than he had said to me in the previous 2 months!

Just remember that you will all experience a whole range of emotions, from helplessness, frustration, anger, resentment etc and even grieve for the person you have lost even though that person is still alive. But please be kind to yourself. These feelings are all normal.  They hurt, and they are confusing, but they are all normal.  Your mum is not doing any of these things deliberately, but she will be frightened and scared and may feel safer in a hospital setting.

I wish you only the best on your journey through this terrible illness.  Keep talking to your family and you may be able to support each other through this time.