When we met the doc yesterday, he asked about returning to work once the final chemo is done. The docs were positive about this as long as he is working from home. Again great news.
I think all this good news has opened the lid on my stress and worry. Which I've kept locked so I can get through the days. Since his diagnoses I've been off work, doing literally everything in the house and everything for his care. He has had seizures, the first two terrified me so much as I was at home alone and couldn't reach my phone for the first and the second happened right after leaving hospital, me driving in heavy rush hour traffic. He's been stable since thanks to Keppra, but this week has had three more episodes. We've meds on hand and I was able to monitor him as I always place myself where he is so I can keep an eye on him.
The thought of him returning to work, which means my returning too terrifys me. How can I keep an eye on him when distrscted with work, what if something happens and I don't hear or see him. I get that he wants and needs to return to work (IT) to get some normality back in his life and restore his confidence.
How will I be able to do this and take on work on top of fitting everything into the day. I cook, clean, laundry, shop, do his meds and injections cos he is too exhausted to do this. We have no family or friends close by to help so I don't leave the house cos he can't be left alone unless he comes too and sits in the car. He can't drive now so I am driving to all the appointments etc. I do this gladly but have no idea how I can fit work into this too.
Hi
Can definitly understand your worries, we were discussing just the other day what doctors actually mean by "short months" since it does not feel many people find the term at all helpful.
I wonder if you have had a carers assessment - it can help to suggest how we balance all the competing needs on us as carers to ensure we can be there at full power when we become critical. I know how easy it can be to think we have to do everything all the time but then sometimes we need to sleep and a break to recharge our batteries. I know when Janice was really ill in hospital I found my work quite soothing in that life was normal and I felt in control - don't know really how much useful work I actually did though.
Of course in to that we might feed what does your husband want for you, I know Janice got quite concerned at one point about the impact her cancer had on me and sometimes it felt a little like she might have been trying to push me away - not happening of course.
If it helps to talk remember you can phone the helpline here, they have helped me in the past look at my options and steer me towards a decision as to what my next steps might be. They are really good too about helping us understand how work and cancer can fit together.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Steve, thank you! Ive not had a carer assessment, but now you've said such a thing exists I'll ask the Hospice staff about it.
It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this journey. My husband and I do talk about things but mainly from his treatment perspective not mine as his carer. Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot. 
