In freefall

Hi Planters Peach

so sorry to hear about all you're going through. I can't begin to imagine where your head is at.

My own situation is a little different. My husband has a terminal brain tumour so I can empathise with what you are going through.

I don't think there is a magic way to cope. We are all just doing our best to get ourselves and our loved ones through this. For me, it helps to get a long walk to clear my head. Everyone's coping mechanisms are different. I've also found journaling helpful. Sometimes when you see it written down its easier to deal with and make sense of. This  group has been a great support to me too. You're never alone here. There's always someone around to lend a virtual ear or offer a virtual hug.

Macmillan Support Services also offer lots of information, support, financial guidance or just someone to listen. It’s free to call 0808 808 0000. Most services are available 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week. Have a look by Clicking here to see what is available. We also have our Ask an Expert section if you have a more specific medical/technical question, but do allow two to three working days for replies from our expert team.

I'd encourage you to give them a call as it might be a way to ease some of the financial pressures.

Stay strong. You are doing so much better here than you're giving yourself credit for.

love n hugs

Wee Me xx

Thanks wee me have a disability myself so walking a problem esp in rural area. Have sat out in garden but cant ease off anxieties. Just trying to tick over amid tears. I wish there was like a flying service for families to help. Not great at distance chats tbh. 

Hello there, firstly- a big virtual hug is coming your way. The people at Macmillan apparently offer financial advice and may be able to help. There is assistance with funeral costs - Citizens Advice might be able to help if this is a big worry for you. I think we cope by default, by being in the situation and just taking one step a day. That is what I do. My husband has a terminal diagnosis, too. Keep plugged in here and you will find people who completely get it as they are going through it, too. 

Hi Planters Peach,

Before my late wife passed, people would always come up to me and say, "I don't know how you do it!".

I just used to tell them, "I wasn't given a choice". LOL

There is no magical coping mechanism sadly. In the same way that each cancer sufferers journey is unique, so too is each carers journey. I was Margaret's full time carer for a bit over 7 years and I found myself hitting that wall several times. 

Like yourself, I wasn't able to go for long walks (due to Marg's physical weakness, stability issues from spinal surgery and general wobbliness from her medications) to clear my head or scream at the moon (Although I did do this several times at home. I'm certain my neighbours think I'm the gardener with Tourettes).

What I used to do that helped me was to take a handful of minutes at the end of each day and write down all the good thing I had gotten done that day - laundry completed, Marg's feet, ankles and calves massaged, lawns mowed, meds administered on time, lunch/dinner cooked (probably not eaten, but cooked anyway), bed linen changed, etc. It didn't matter how big or how small each task was but the more I wrote the better I felt about the day.

A side benefit of doing this was that it gave me a brief period for myself.

It is important that you do take a little time for yourself each day. If we don't look after ourselves, we can end up in a state that makes us unable to look after anyone else.

If I was on that side of the world, I'd hug you.

Hang in there sweetheart.

Peace,
Ewen :-)

Thank you thats such useful advice. Just what i needed. X