Advice

Hi Reckie 

Sorry to hear about your father in law. It’s such a hard balancing act isn’t it between giving the care you know is needed and respecting their dignity? 
I apologise if this is not yet where you’re at but it’s sounds like you could be form what you’ve said - Are you being supported by your local palliative care team?

My husband has prostate cancer that has spread to lots of  places including his spine  and although he is very accepting of my care (I think caring for a parent is very different as it’s human nature that the parent looks after the child not the other way round) sometimes he’s reluctant to accept this  

I have found that if there is something that he is not keen to accept help with but needs, he is more likely to listen to a health care professional. We are very lucky that our local hospice provides a fantastic service supporting people in their own homes  so if there is anything they will talk to him and make him see sense and that it’s all about making his life as easy and comfortable as possible  Try to find someone that can help you  

Finally- you have done a very lovely thing in taking your father in law into your home - it’s not an easy job and can sometimes be thankless so make sure that you take some time out for yourself  It’ll recharge your batteries and make it easier to cope with the difficulties you’ll face

And whenever you need some support come on here - even if just to vent your frustration - we all get it  

Best wishes 

Jillybean

Thank you for your kind words . Unfortunately he rapidly declined over the last five days . the hospice team had been in touch and are very helpful and lovely he was waiting for a bed but we had to call for an ambulance yesterday it got beyond what we could help him with  . He’s now being made comfortable in hospital as his body is shutting down.didn’t even make any treatment .  It’s all happened so fast , we are told a couple of days now it’s so very sad . We did our best so he wasn’t alone and my partner is sat by his bedside now still being told to leave him . 
im sorry you and your husband are going through it   This forum has been so helpful . 

I think your right there actually with the parent child roles it would be hard ! 
im lucky my own mum and dad are very surportive my partner is only 26 and it’s been a lot for him to take on his shoulders .

thank you again your response means slot to me xxxx

Sorry to hear about the sudden decline . This has also happened with my husband. He had a fall last  weekend and had to go to hospital to get checked  as he banged his head and was on blood thinners. Lots of tests, antibiotics, saline, etc etc it was agreed on Wednesday  that they would do a Fast track discharge as they knew he just wanted to be at home. By Wednesday he was home, a little confused sometimes but ok On Thursday we were told that the prognosis had changed to weeks that her than months and that night night he was up eating Chinese but by Friday morning i had to call int the hospice at home team as he was unable to take his meds. By lunchtime we were told he had hours to live.  two weeks ago that the prognosis was months!!

He finally went I sleep at 4 30 on Saturday morning. 

I am heartbroken and cannot imagine my future without him in it but, as we did when he was diagnosed,  I am just trying to take one day at a time as I know his biggest worry was me being ok. Trying to stay strong for him.- the absolute love of my life xx

Oh I’m so sorry to hear that I can’t imagine how it must feel , such a whirl wind when things spiral so quickly , I’m glad he got home where he wanted to be , I don’t know you but you come across strong replying to me when your own heart is breaking I commend you for that and am so very great full .

he is still hanging on in there bless him it’s like he’s just started trying to fight and has accepted his son being there . I just want to be there for him but we have 4 children to look after one of which is only 12 weeks old with a cleft palate so I’m kept busy atleast .
sending you all my strength at this truly hard time xxx