Really struggling

Hi

In an perhaps unusual way I am glad you have felt the ability to put your feelings in to words on our site. Your comments do not really need a context as here many of us have been in so similar situations we just understand.

Not sleeping can rapidly become a significant issue though as it can really make us unwell in a hurry - I know having been there and if did not help me or my wife and meant I could not give her the help she needed either.

I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. It help me realise I had essentially written off my wife and was working how I would cope without her when she was beside me and actually still quite capable of doing a lot of work herself. There will always be unexpected things come in to our lives too and the conscious breathing exercises are really good for helping me cope with these. Transcendental mediation though -  perhaps not for me.

Some people look at us and say "how do you cope?" - I response generally is because we have to. If anyone tells my wife she is brave though - I leave the room!

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Lottie,

I feel like I know how you’re feeling, even though that isn’t possible as it’s all so personal. My dad was diagnosed with rectal cancer in March, they also found a heart condition which means they can’t operate. They were confident that 5 weeks of chemoradtion would cure the cancer.

I found out Friday after he was admitted to hospital with a collapsed lung that the cancer has infant spread into his lungs, pelvis, prostate and pretty much his whole lower half. He’s in excruciating pain, has no quality of life and wishes he wasn’t hear anymore.

I can’t really even put into words how broken I feel, I live a couple of hours away from my parents. My mum is practically his carer whilst working full time. I have 2 young kids and have to attempt to keep it together..even though I have no idea how.

I miss him, how he used to be and I don’t know how to act or how to feel. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through - I’d never wish this on anyone. The pain is indescribable.

All I can say is I am here. I know I need someone to talk to as well, I just never know where to start. 

B xx

Going through the same thing 

give me a shout if u want to talk . 
I am alone and crying most of the time but no one knows. I am totally alone too. Terrible time 

Thank you for posting. For context:

Mum diagnosed with secondary on Lung, Bone and Liver in March after 7 years of hormone controlled breast cancer/ She is 78 I'm 49.

I have moved in now to take care 90 miles from my wife (seeing her ever 2~3 weeks), never felt closer to mum, or felt like  she knows how much we (the family) love her more.

I'm an emotional mess to be honest, waiting on the latest scan but feal more like 'when you know you know'

I wish I could offer help and hope more, but reading your post gave me hope I'm not alone and I hope my post might do similar for you.

Take care, and keep posting

Thank you for replying Steve. I’m so sorry you and you’re wife are going through this, i always say when I hear of others that this is a community that no one fantasises about being part off.  I think I’m going to speak to my local Macmillan team in private about some coping practises and look at the stress less courses. I have the same response whenever someone says the same to my mum…. Or when they tell her she’s going to beat it… it actually makes me want to be sick which is such a massive reaction for such a small sentence! Xxx

Thank you B! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Xxx

Thank you. And the same to you, no one should be going through this alone xxx

Hi John, thank you for replying and I’m so sorry to hear about you’re mum. We have mums scan results on Thursday, I’m not hoping for good news tbh as hard as that is to admit. You are right about when you know you know! I have a 13yr old and a husband at home, mum is 60 miles away so I tend to go down twice a week for the day, one day for treatment/scans/onch appts and to do housework/shopping, the second just to spend some time really, I then work 3 nights on a covid ward and have to fit in seeing my family and friends and do all the housework my husband hasn’t done! It’s absolutely exhausting! I’m glad in a way that there’s people who are going through the same, although I wish none of us where going through this at all xxx

Morning everyone, 

Sorry to hear what you’re going through as well John. There certainly is an aspect of when you know you know. What makes me feel so desperately sad is when I know my dad must feel that too. It’s all the things he will miss out on that makes me feel although someone has just punched me in the stomach (he is 65 and I am 29) I always feel so guilty I don’t live in the same place as my parents, constantly feeling like I don’t really know where I should be..if that makes sense. 

It’s nice to have people to talk to who understand what it is like.

B x

Hi Steve,

you’re right about people saying ‘how do you cope’ I’ve also got ‘how are you so strong’ and it isn’t about coping or being strong it’s just getting through the day and trying to keep your head above water. 

Sorry to hear what you’re going through - it’s so cruel and all so hard to navigate. 

B x