Help with my patience and own feelings?

Hi FordieL

I think just about everyone on here recognizes where you are and its really hard so not need to apologize.

What helped me was the living with less stress course I did with maggies.

Like your mum perhaps my wife did not want to engage so much with support in her cancer and perhaps it took a little longer for her to adjust to our current state of living with cancer. I wonder if you have considered talking to someone too about how you feel about your dad.

It took me some time to realise I had to cut out some time in the agenda for me - something many carers come across the hard way.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi. 
What a rough time you’re having  As much as I’m sure you love your mum Moving back in to your parents house must be hard after having your own place. 
I’m sorry I can’t help with actual courses but have you thought about meditation. I found that it really helped me in the early days of my hubby’s diagnosis. Some people think it’s all a bit hippyish but there’s some good ones that aren’t at all like that. 
I do agree with Steve that perhaps you would benefit from taking to someone about your feelings for your dad - I get the feeling that you are still grieving over him and having to then care for you mum on top is a lot for anyone to handle. I’m sure most people on here have felt the same as you at times. We’re humans after all, not saints. 
You’re already doing the right thing by seeking help so don’t give yourself a hard time. 
Take some time for you and I hope that you find something to help you through but don’t forget this is always a fantastic place to rant and let off steam when you need to go. 
Take care x x x

Hi Steve, 

Thank you so much for your response.  I'd not heard about Maggie's but can see I have one close by so will take a look at what they offer, super helpful.  I also agree that I probably ought to be talking to someone about Dad...take a bt of my own advice :-) 

Thanks again Steve and  all the very best to you and your wife,  xx

Thanks JillyBean74!  :-) xx

I remember feeling like I needed an instruction book when I started caring for mum - there are little tips and tricks the reablement carers gave me but mostly it was finding what worked for mum while trying to cope with the feelings - well the reality really - of losing (the old) her, my independent life, my identity and my freedom.  I felt angry and wanted to walk out a few times, I'd go into the kitchen and make rude hand gestures at mum when she was being childish and difficult.  I'd cry with anguish when she was in bed without her hearing aids.  

For me, greater patience has come with acceptance of my new life, I'm not sure if this is the same for other carers.  At first I kept longing to go back to my house and not be on call every moment of every day - it was all so overwhelming, mum was petulant and mean and I was snappy and mean.  I didn't like myself when I was like that.  Gradually things have settled down, mum was more accepting of being the caree and I feel more at peace with the fact that my role in life is, for now, to be there for her.

I heard on another forum about a book called The Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring, which is well worth a read.  It's really ok to feel aggrieved at the loss of life as we know it, and really ok to have feelings of anger and resentment - it's a perfectly reasonable reaction.

Much love to you and do post again good or bad - I have found posting really helps me to ground myself again, just getting it off my chest I think.  I do have a few very good friends but I don't like to offload too much on them - this forum is exactly right for that.

same here.I feel very lonely sometimes and can’t imagine life without my husband.the only person I know in this country.

he is diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer few months ago and given 1 year prognosis.

after 3 cycles of chemo ,tumour has not responded and kept growing.

devastating.lonely and feeling very drained .my only wish is that I know more or create somewhere where we all can rely on to discuss, share and just be normal actually.

Hi Jpsclourds, thank you for that. sorry to hear of your experience - and glad your are on more of an even set now.  I've ordered that book, thank for the recommendation.  Love to you too and i'm the same, i don't really want to burden my friends either as they have kids etc and their own busy lives so will deffo make use of the forum. take care xx