Palliative care mestastic colorectal and liver cancer

Hi Cheryl 

Sorry that you’re going through this and with a young family too. My hubby has just been told that his palliative chemo isn’t working so now it’s just a case of trying to keep him pain free. 
The only advice I can give you is to talk talk and talk some more. There’s always someone on here that will listen. And maybe speak to your Macmillan nurse as I’m sure they’ll be able to help with supporting  the boys too. I get that you need to be everyone’s rock but you also need to have someone that you can lean on a bit too. Make sure somehow (and I know this is easier said than done ) that you find a smal amount of time for YOU. I found in the early days that meditation really helped me and it was only 15 minutes. There’s a great one on the Calm app that is down to earth and not hippyish at all by Jeff Warren 

Take care of yourself and wave other and any time you need to talk or rant or cry there’ll be someone on here to listen 

Plus I know a few friends that have had fantastic results with immunotherapy so I hope it works just as well for Steve

Hugs 

Jillian

Hi Jillybean 74

Thanks so much for your reply. I am doing everything I can to keep afloat for everything and everyone. When Steve was rediagnosed I started a virtual swim challenge swimming the English Channel and have just completed 22 miles in a month. Now that I've done it I feel a little flat and very very sad. I needed that challenge to keep distracted. Steve had a blood clot just before going away for a few days and that kept me fighting. But now I feel spent x

Well done on swimming the channel (virtually or not it’s still an achievement) I found that exercise really helps me. I did couch to 5k and  when I’m running I'm concentrating so much on breathing that i can’t think about anything else and having that headspace means I can (mostly) cope with Daves deteriorating health. Maybe find another challenge. If swimming is your thing I’m sure there will be some other challenge out there for you. Just find something, anything that picks you up a bit

. 
https://swimit.macmillan.org.uk/?&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~527888052893~kw~virtual%20swim~mt~b~cmp~G_PS_CHE_UK_GEN_Swim+It_B_2021~ag~Virtual&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpf2IBhDkARIsAGVo0D1-2ozhUraJ7-JjC_Kog5pBAMgms51Ea7WAa8gPTz3g6tot_EFfk_0aAmaHEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Looks like on this one you can set your own target. 
I hope you find something to keep your spirits up. We all have down times when it’s hard to pick yourself up and put a brave face on for everyone else and sometimes you just need to let the feelings out. I’ve been known to sit at the bottom of my garden so Dave can’t hear me sobbing - but once it’s out I can wash my face and carry on for a bit longer. There’s no shame in feeling like that either. 
Stay strong x 

Yes a new challenge might be the best thing. I'm trying to find the person I was before I met Steve so that I can find the resilience to be strong afterwards but maybe that's not realistic. I want to come out of this strong rather than have nothing left to give my boys. Not easy but trying to find a way thru. Thank you for your advice. Sounds like you've been thru so much too xx

We’re all going through a rough time otherwise  we wouldn’t be here. You probably you won’t be the person you were before because we all change throughout life. For me I think I’m actually stronger than I was before but then we have been together for 25 years….  But I worry every day that as Dave gets worse I won’t be enough to care for him. I still have all of my parents and step parents so haven’t really lost any on significant. Also every day I think about what it will be like coming home from work to an empty house and it just being me. Don’t get me wrong I have a grown up son. daughter and grandchildren(who i know will be my reason to carry on)  but it’s the other times - like that first cup of coffee and catch up after work, the discussions of what to  have for tea, someone to say goodnight to. I need to stop now 

There’s tough times ahead for all of us but Im sure you will find the strength inside to get thought it with and for your boys. 
Hoping that your hubby has the same success with immunotherapy that the friends we have have had.