Lesley here, just dropped by as I'm struggling a little so thought I would have a look in this forum.
My mum has cancer and is in her 70s, just started chemo and its knocking her about a bit.
Mum's second chemo session is within the next week and her consultant has reduced the dose and also prescribed some anti histamines (Piriton) to be given before the infusion to prevent the hot sweats she experienced which caused them to stop the infusion wait and restart it.
Mum is very proud and seems to not want to be a burden or bother me, when I stay overnight, she doesn't wake me if she's feeling ill, or sick she just gets on with it. Leaving me to wonder why I actually stay overnight when all I am offering is the reassurance that someone else is in the house with her.
I am torn, between assisting and leaving her with some autonomy, also torn between being there physically and being available from my home 1hour away.
It takes a toll on other family members also, which makes other relationships strained.
I feel low and emotional atm, and guilty if I do anything for myself such as taking time out. Any advice how I can address this and not feel so low as I am already on anti-depressants so don't feel medication will be an answer?
Also I have been invited on holiday shortly after mum has this session of chemo and I don't know how to have a conversation with her about this as I don't want to scare her, and I do want to take up the offer of a few days away. So currently I am waiting until after chemo to discuss it with her depending on how the new lower dose affects her...
Hi and welcome to the community though sorry to hear about your mum.
Talking is really important in dealing with cancer. Something many of us here have come to realise, I learnt the hard way, is that it is really important to make space to look after ourselves if we want to be the best help we can to the person with cancer. It is really common that we think of others needs first, parents do this all the time for their children (even when they are adults!).
For the holiday, is there anyone else available to help your mum if she needed it? If that were in place you could go on holiday knowing your mum will be ok whatever and that might help you feel comfortable there. I think with covid most of us could do with a holiday at the moment.
It might help to look at Emotional support for family and friends as there are lots of good tips there that can help. Do post here whenever too, someone is always listening.
<<hugs>>
Steve
